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| We call our grandad "Spiderman". He hasn't got any super powers - he just finds it difficult to get out of the bath. |    |
Joke by johnboy, in Jokes with no home > One Liners - Tagged grandad , spiderman , crap - Current Score: 847 - Added: 6 months ago
| Apparently, my grandad has been like a 'fish out of water' since moving into the old peoples home. In other words, he's dead. | |
Joke by BushTurkey, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged grandad , fish , dead - Current Score: 265 - Added: 5 months ago
| My Grandad has got Parkinson's... He can't stop interviewing people. | |
Joke by Fishy, in Illness and mortality > Parkinsons - Tagged parkinsons , grandad - Current Score: 195 - Added: 1 month, 22 days ago
| My old nan is getting a bit doddery. I went to see her last week, and as soon as I walked in she said, "oh Arthur! Is it you?" I said, "no, nan, granddad died 20 years ago. It's me, bleary." She carried on: "Oh Arthur, how I've missed you so!" "Nan! Grandad is dead! I'm your grandson!" "Come over here, so I can give you a kiss" "I'm not him you daft bitch!" "And then, bend me over the kitchen table and throw one into me, the way you used to when we were youngsters." "...Oh Agnes, I've missed you so much!" | |
Joke by bleary, in Sex and shit > Granny Shagger - Tagged granny , grandmother , grandad , senile , mistaken identity , house of bleary , biddy fiddler - Current Score: 140 - Added: 1 month, 19 days ago
| My gran died last week. The funeral director said, "bury her with something she liked." As the coffin lowered into the ground, all we could hear was granddad shouting for help. | |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Illness and mortality > Funeral - Tagged funeral , gran , grandad , mickle - Current Score: 139 - Added: 5 months, 13 days ago
| My dad told me that my great grandfather knew the exact hour of the exact day of the exact year he was going to die. I said, "that's amazing how the hell did he know all that?" My dad replied, "the judge told him." | |
Joke by maxmoore, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged dead , death , grandad , dad , judge , capital punishment - Current Score: 125 - Added: 2 months ago
| My grandad was given 24 hours to live, so he drank a bottle of vodka and ate three packets of fireworks. It didn't save his life, but it gave us one hell of a show at the cremation. | |
Joke by maxmoore, in Illness and mortality > Cremation - Tagged cremation , fireworks , vodka , grandad , ill , dead , maxmoore - Current Score: 117 - Added: 1 month, 25 days ago
| Little Johnny went to see his grandad and asked, "Grandad, could you please do a frog impression?" Grandad says, "you what?" Little Johnny says, "can you make the sound of a frog?" Grandad says, "of course I can, but why?" Little Johnny says, "good, because mummy said that, when you croak, we can all fuck off to Disneyland!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Jokes with no home > Little Johnny - Tagged little johnny , grandad , mummy , frog , croak , disneyland - Current Score: 107 - Added: 1 week ago
| They say laughter is the best cure. My grandad has alzheimers and we've been laughing at him for years and he hasn't got any better. | |
Joke by rmmkkenny, in Illness and mortality > Alzheimers - Tagged grandad , alzheimers - Current Score: 101 - Added: 4 months, 10 days ago
| Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?" His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad that's great," said little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mum today!" "What do you mean?" said Dad. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mum flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!" | |
Joke by Mrwolf, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged mom , dad , grandad , incest , sex , dog , little johnnie - Current Score: 82 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
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