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| Harry is visiting his grandma. She complains about the high cost of living. "When I was a girl, you could go out with a shilling and come back home with a dozen eggs, two pints of milk, a pound of bacon, half a pound of tea and a fresh chicken." "Yes," says Harry, "that's inflation for you." "It's nothing to do with inflation," says grandma, "it's all them fucking security cameras they have nowadays." |    |
Joke by mickle, in Jokes with no home > Theft - Tagged grandma , old , relatives , shoplifting , terry wogan - Current Score: 150 - Added: 3 months, 18 days ago
| A small boy goes into the kitchen one day and run up to his mum. "Mummy, mummy, Grandma's got a prawn between her legs!" "Pardon, darling?" "Grandma's got a prawn between her legs!" "Okay, show me" They both walk into the living room, where they find Grandma fast asleep and looking very pleased. Her knickers are missing and her skirt has ridden up so that nothing is left to the imagination. "See Mummy? A prawn," says the little boy, pointing between his gran's splayed legs. "No, darling that's something special women have." "But Mummy," says the little boy, looking confused. "It tasted like a prawn." | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged kid , oral , fish , grandma - Current Score: 103 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| When I was younger my Grandma used to rub lard into my Grandpa's back when he was ill. He went down hill fast after that | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > grandma - Tagged grandma , grandpa , lard , ill - Current Score: 68 - Added: 11 months ago
| Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes lined up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her grandaughter. Grandma asked, "why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" "I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry..." The policeman fainted. | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged grandma , hooker , oranges - Current Score: 67 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating straight away. "Jonny, wait until we've said our prayer," his mother reminded him. "I don't have to," the little boy replied. "Of course you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook." | |
Joke by stopher, in Jokes with no home > Grandma - Tagged jonny , grandma , prayer - Current Score: 55 - Added: 10 months ago
| There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday. He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said. The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims. Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today". "Let me give it a guess", Grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers. She plays with his testicles for a while, squeezing them, moving them back and forth, takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old". "How did you know?" the boy asked. Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father". | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged birthday , grandma , grandmother - Current Score: 38 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Three old mischievous grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home An old grandpa walked by, and one of the old grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are" The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it, you old fools." One of the ornery grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your under shorts and we can tell your exact age. Embarrassed just a little, he dropped his drawers. The grandmas stared at him for a while, asked him to turn around a couple of times, asked him to jump up and down for a little while and then they all piped up and said, "You're 91 years old!" "How in the world did you guess?" The ornery old grandmas snickered and laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, "Because we were at your birthday party yesterday !!!! | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > General - Tagged grandma , shit , old , dick - Current Score: 18 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed. Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain. Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch. Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > Erections - Tagged grandma , grandpa , crotch , pain - Current Score: 15 - Added: 8 months, 26 days ago
| My old grandad once said to me "The problem with your generation is that you think you invented sex!" So I replied "Okay then, did you ever fuck grandma up the arse, pull it out and come in her face?" Turns out he did, that was how she died. | |
Joke by Spoonfed, in Sex and shit > Granny Shagger - Tagged grandma , grandad , sex - Current Score: 11 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Little girl:" Mummy....is it alright if I go and play with Grandma?" Mother: "No it isn’t....you’ve been to that damned Cemetery three times already today!" | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Mummy Mummy - Tagged mummy , girl , grandma , mummy mummy - Current Score: 11 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
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