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| My old nan is getting a bit doddery. I went to see her last week, and as soon as I walked in she said, "oh Arthur! Is it you?" I said, "no, nan, grandad died 20 years ago. It's me, bleary." She carried on: "Oh Arthur, how I've missed you so!" "Nan! Grandad is dead! I'm your grandson!" "Come over here, so I can give you a kiss" "I'm not him you daft bitch!" "And then, bend me over the kitchen table and throw one into me, the way you used to when we were youngsters." "...Oh Agnes, I've missed you so much!" |    |
Joke by bleary, in Sex and shit > Granny Shagger - Tagged granny , grandmother , grandad , senile , mistaken identity , biddy fiddler - Current Score: 153 - Added: 4 months, 17 days ago
| A little girl runs to her father on her birthday and says, "Daddy, Daddy, guess how old I am today." Humouring her he says, "I don't know, honey, how old are you?" She replies, "I'm SIX!" "That's great! Go tell your uncle," he tells her. The girl runs into her uncle's room and again shouts, "Uncie, Uncie, guess how old I am today." He says "Ok, take off your knickers and I'll tell you." She does so and the uncle sticks his fingers in her, sniffs them, and says, "You're six today." She asks him, "How did you know that?" He replies, "I heard you talking to your dad." | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged birthday , grandma , grandmother - Current Score: 147 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the fuck she is. | |
Joke by whats the point, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged grandmother , walk - Current Score: 113 - Added: 6 months, 10 days ago
| "Should I take the blue pill or the red pill?" "Nan, just eat the fucking Smarties." | |
Joke by csw2342, in Illness and mortality > Alzheimers - Tagged nan , pill , smarties , alzeimers , old age , old people , sweets , mental illness , grandmother - Current Score: 104 - Added: 3 days ago
| I still remember the last thing that my old grandmother said to me... 'What the fuck are you doing with that hammer?'! | |
Joke by Katherine Boyle, in Illness and mortality > Ghosts - Tagged granny , grandmother , hammer , smells of wee - Current Score: 83 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| My grandmother gave me a wish. I could either have a long memory or a long penis. I can't remember my decision. | |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged penis , grandmother , memory - Current Score: 63 - Added: 10 months, 16 days ago
| What's the worst thing about going down on your Grandmother? Hitting the back of your head on the coffin lid. | |
Joke by Killing Joke, in Sex and shit > Necrophilia - Tagged grandmother , coffin , head - Current Score: 39 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Barack Obama has just announced the death of his grandmother a day before the US Presidential election. Should've auditioned for X-Factor. | |
Joke by dandan, in Celebrity and news events > Barack Obama - Tagged grandmother , xfactor , barack obama - Current Score: 28 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| I really hope Obama gets in. Think how bad you'd feel knocking off your grandmother and it being all for nothing.. | |
Joke by qwertylos, in Celebrity and news events > Barack Obama - Tagged grandmother , barack obama , election , usa - Current Score: 26 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| What's the difference between an elephant and an American grandmother? Ten pounds and a moustache | |
Joke by lovelace, in Jokes with no home > Whats The Difference... - Tagged racist , grandmother , yank , moustache , heavy , american , ten , pound - Current Score: 17 - Added: 5 months, 21 days ago
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