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| Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing," says Sean. "Here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died." Then Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy. Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin." |    |
Joke by Beavis, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , old , grave , 145 , miles , dublin - Current Score: 74 - Added: 9 months, 15 days ago
| When Beethoven passed away, he was buried, as custom dictates, in a churchyard. A couple of days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music emanating from within. With the fear of God in him, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony being played backwards. How odd." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..." Suddenly the realisation of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had by now gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing." | |
Joke by mickle, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged beethoven , grave , clasical , composing , de composing , god - Current Score: 36 - Added: 6 months, 19 days ago
| There once was a fellow named Dave Who dug up a whore from her grave She was mouldy as shit And missing a tit But think of the money he saved | |
Joke by Badvirus, in Jokes with no home > Limerick - Tagged dave , grave , shit , tit - Current Score: 26 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| It's been announced that Margaret Thatcher will have a state funeral. The former PM is to be buried at the bottom of a man made lake. Or at least she will be once we've finished pissing on her grave. | |
Joke by Stephers, in Celebrity and news events > Margaret Thatcher - Tagged carr , thatcher , grave , pissing , jimmy carr - Current Score: 26 - Added: 4 months, 11 days ago
| Jade Goody says her cancer hell has encouraged her to visit her estranged father's grave for the first time. With a bit of luck she'll be able to move in before Christmas. | |
Joke by itchyanus, in Celebrity and news events > Jade Goody - Tagged jade goody , grave - Current Score: 26 - Added: 3 months, 10 days ago
| The psycho, nutcase, hardman who lived down our street died recently. I was walking through the cemetery today, when I spotted his grave. I knew it was his, the inscription on the headstone simply read; "What the fuck are you looking at?" | |
Joke by Boogaloo, in Illness and mortality > Funeral - Tagged psycho , grave , cemetery - Current Score: 15 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| Irishmen Shawn and Pat, who were the best of friends, agreed that when one passed on, the other would spill the contents of a bottle of fine Irish whiskey over the grave of his recently departed friend. As fate would have it, Shawn would be the first to pass. Upon hearing of his friend's illness, Pat came to visit one last time. "Shawn, can you hear me?" asked Pat. Faintly, Shawn replied, "Yes, Paddy, I can." Bashfully, Pat started, "Do you remember our pact, Shawn?" "Yes, I do, Paddy," Shawn strained. "And you'll also remember that I was to pour the contents of a fine, old bottle of whiskey, which we have been saving for nearly 30 years now, over your grave," said Pat. "Yes, Paddy, I do," whispered Shawn. "It's a very 'old' bottle now, you know," urged Pat. "And what are you getting at, Pat?" asked Shawn, briskly. "Well, Shawn, when I pour the whiskey over your grave, would ya mind if I filter it through my kidneys first?" | |
Joke by zip, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged whiskey , grave , irish - Current Score: 11 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| I'm a bit suspicious that my grandad was buried with his secret gay lover. His tombstone says, "here lies a wonderful husband and a loving man." | |
Joke by itchyanus, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged gay , grave - Current Score: 10 - Added: 3 months, 15 days ago
| Whats so good about Mr Litvinenko's grave? Theres no weeds around for miles. | |
Joke by moggers, in Jokes with no home > Mr Litvinenko - Tagged litvinenkos , grave , weeds - Current Score: 9 - Added: 2 months ago
| Jade Goody is to visit her father's grave. Apparently it's part of a "try before you die" scheme. | |
Joke by justincider, in Celebrity and news events > Jade Goody - Tagged visit , father , grave , try , buy - Current Score: 7 - Added: 3 months, 10 days ago
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