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| What does a catholic priest have in common with a pint of guiness? Black coat, white collar & you need to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one. |    |
Joke by Retard, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged guinness , priest , catholicism - Current Score: 142 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Ireland Declares War on France Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!" Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war." "Really? I am sorry to hear that Paddy," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there is no freakin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged ireland , war , france , chirac , guinness , jesus , mary , paddy - Current Score: 99 - Added: 9 months, 15 days ago
| What do you call a pint of guinness with glasses? Trevor McDonald | |
Joke by Alexis, in Celebrity and news events > Trevor Mcdonald - Tagged trevor mcdonald , guinness , guiness , black , glasses , spectacles - Current Score: 31 - Added: 5 months, 16 days ago
| What do you call six pints of Guinness and a potato? An Irish 7 course meal. | |
Joke by Lovelace, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged guinness , irish , drunk - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 year ago
| Guinness and kebabs don't mix. I've just got off the toilet ten minutes ago, and it was like a flock of bats coming out of a Mexican cave. | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Jokes with no home > Shit - Tagged bats , guinness , kebabs , the shits , pebble dash - Current Score: 13 - Added: 1 month, 9 days ago
| What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pint of Guinness? Nothing. If you get a bad one, they both have serious repercussions for your arse. | |
Joke by drunkenoaf, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged catholic , priest , guinness , arse , bumming - Current Score: 12 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Michael Jackson's agent has announced a new deal to help overcome the singer's financial troubles. Guinness will star Michael in their next ad campaign, continuing with the theme of "black with a white head". | |
Joke by sophiaishere, in Celebrity and news events > Michael Jackson - Tagged michael jackson , guinness - Current Score: 8 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| What's the difference between Jill Dando and a pint of Guinness? A pint of Guinness still looks good after its head is blown off. | |
Joke by Guest, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged dando , jill dando , head , shot , guinness - Current Score: 1 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| What's white on top and black on bottom? A pint of Guinness you racist bastard. | |
Joke by Spoon, in Religion and racism > Nigger - Tagged niggers , guinness , white , black - Current Score: -4 - Added: 2 weeks ago
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