A psychology student is conducting a survey to study the masturbatory habits of males. She approaches the first man and says, "Excuse me, sir, I'm conducting a survey and would like to know, what do you hold in your left hand while you masturbate?" To which the man replies, "A remote controller, for the DVD". She then approaches the second man, with the same question. He answers, "I've got a magazine", and she notes down his answer. She then approaches a third man and asks him what he holds while he masturbates, to which he answers, "A bar of soap". Bemused by this, she asks why. "I'm bathing the kids."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm using my hand, But I'm thinking of you.

Little Suzie is sitting in class when the teacher notices a puddle beneath her chair. "Ah Suzie, why didn't you put your hand up?" asks the teacher. "I did Miss, but it ran through my fucking fingers."

How do you know when Mystic Meg is on her period? You get your palm red.

A blind prostitute just moved into my street - you've gotta hand it to her...

An Essex guy and an Essex girl are making out in his car when the girl says, "Put your finger inside of me!" He is only too willing to oblige. "Put another finger inside of me!" So he does. "Put your whole hand inside of me!" she says, moaning in pleasure. "Now put both hands inside of me!" she screams. "Now clap!" she gasps. "I can't clap!" replied the guy. "Tight, aren't I?" she smiles.

I was walking through a Saudi Arabian market and I saw a guy getting his hand stitched back on. I said "Oh I see you won your appeal"!!!!

Sperm Donation ..... Its a Cash in Hand Job

What is the definition of ultimate rejection? Your hand falling asleep while having a wank

Part 1: How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the floor. Part 2: How do you make it stop? Nail its other hand to the floor.

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