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| Why do women keep telling me to 'go fuck myself'? Surely they've realised that if I could fuck myself, I wouldn't be putting my hands up their skirts in the first place. |    |
Joke by munkybars, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged go , fuck , myself , women , skirts , hands - Current Score: 140 - Added: 1 week ago
| They say being a hostage is difficult... ...But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back. | |
Joke by tw2361, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged hostage , hands , tied - Current Score: 117 - Added: 1 month ago
| It was so cold this morning I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets! | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > solicitor - Tagged cold , pocket , hands , one liner - Current Score: 102 - Added: 9 months ago
| How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap his hands til daddy comes home | |
Joke by CS, in Jokes with no home > Orphans - Tagged orphan , blood , hands , homeless , clap yer hands bitch - Current Score: 45 - Added: 4 months ago
| I just found out my girlfriend is having her period.. I caught her red handed... | |
Joke by SickBastard, in Sex and shit > Period - Tagged blood , hands , cunt , vagina , period - Current Score: 33 - Added: 6 months ago
| Jeremy Beadle would still be alive today if only he could of got the lid off of his tablets | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Jeremy Beadle - Tagged beadle , dead , croaked , snuffed it , brown bread , game for a laugh , hands - Current Score: 29 - Added: 7 months ago
| A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard. "Are you the manager?", she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I’m afraid I can’t," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room." | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Jokes with no home > Drinking Jokes - Tagged pub , hair , man , manager , hands , message , face - Current Score: 29 - Added: 1 year ago
| Remember that show 'Beadle's About?' Well he fucking isn't anymore! | |
Joke by seeb, in Celebrity and news events > 10 Items Or Less - Tagged beadle , dead , croaked , snuffed it , brown bread , game for a laugh , hands - Current Score: 19 - Added: 7 months ago
| Little Jenny the chav stands on a chair watching her mom do the washing up. "Mommy," little Jenny asks, "are your hands soft and gentle and smooth because you have them in soapy water?" Her mother smiles and says, "no, sweetheart, it's because I'm thirteen." | |
Joke by tony.t, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged soft , hands , washing - Current Score: 17 - Added: 10 months ago
| Jeremy Beadle has just died at the age of 59. As a mark of respect lets give him a big hand. | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Jeremy Beadle - Tagged beadle , dead , croaked , snuffed it , brown bread , game for a laugh , hands - Current Score: 15 - Added: 7 months ago
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