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| A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!" His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?" "No, I couldn't find her head." |    |
Joke by caliban, in Sex and shit > Necrophilia - Tagged sex , dead , railway , pub , friend , positions , position , blow job , suck , head - Current Score: 2126 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| My Grandad says his sex life is great. He says, since his girlfriend has been loosing her teeth, the blow-jobs have been fantastic... ... May be a different story when her adult teeth start coming through though. | |
Joke by shittychickengangbang, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged elderly , sex , head , blowjob , teeth , nursing home - Current Score: 197 - Added: 4 months, 9 days ago
| This would be the coolest way to kill yourself: First get a cheese wire and make it into a noose. Tie it round your neck. Now before you jump superglue your hands to your head, and wait till the glue sets. Then jump. When the police come in they'll think you've tore your own fucking head off. [Can someone please try this and let me know how they get on] Oh... was i ment to stand on a chairr or somefing...? srry about spelling, I using my nose totype cos my hands are still fuckin glued to my head!! (What I want to know is how the fuck did you type ! and ? using your nose!!!?) | |
Joke by smiddy, in Illness and mortality > Suicide - Tagged suicide , head , funny - Current Score: 139 - Added: 6 days ago
| How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment. | |
Joke by caliban, in Celebrity and news events > Diana - Tagged diana , princess , princess diana , head and shoulders , head , shoulders , car , crash , car crash - Current Score: 120 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| If you find you can keep your head whilst others around you are losing theirs, you may want to land your helicopter somewhere else | |
Joke by bawbag, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged helicopter , head - Current Score: 94 - Added: 3 months, 21 days ago
| A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange. The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, ''You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?'' The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. ''One day,'' he begins, ''I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream.'' ''No shit?'' says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued. ''Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes.''' ''Keep going!'' I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, ''You now have three wishes.'' I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, ''I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger.'' She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, ''What will be your second wish?'' ''What next?'' begged the bartender. I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, ''I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream.'' She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours! Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, ''You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?'' I looked at her and replied, ''How 'bout a little head?'' | |
Joke by superhorse, in Jokes with no home > genie - Tagged genie , sex , head , muscular - Current Score: 86 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Paddy tried to pull his wife's head off yesterday. The taxman said she had £250 in arrears. | |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , tax , head , arrears - Current Score: 78 - Added: 1 month, 10 days ago
| Apparently the head found on the beach in Arbroath had been battered. They'll fry anything in fucking Scotland. | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Arbroath - Tagged scotland , beach , head , severed - Current Score: 52 - Added: 8 months ago
| What's the worst thing about going down on your Grandmother? Hitting the back of your head on the coffin lid. | |
Joke by Killing Joke, in Sex and shit > Necrophilia - Tagged grandmother , coffin , head - Current Score: 39 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| "Mummy, Mummy! All my friends are married, Susie has married a rich Barrister, Jenny has bagged a millionaire businessman, Rachel has married a Premiership footballer. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, I'm attractive, big breasts, lovely figure. I'm getting desperate." "Calm down dear, just follow the advice on the Heineken advert." "What do you mean?" "Get the head right and the rest will follow." | |
Joke by marley, in Sex and shit > Blow Job - Tagged heineken , head , blow job - Current Score: 36 - Added: 6 months, 10 days ago
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