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| Steve Irwin died the way he lived With animals in his heart |    |
Joke by EnglishWhiteBoy, in Celebrity and news events > Steve Irwin - Tagged steve irwin , heart , stingray , animals , beastiality , englishwhiteboy - Current Score: 142 - Added: 5 months, 9 days ago
| Have you ever seen these roadside protesters? They camp out all night hoping to prevent the completion of motorways. Well, yesterday one died of a heart attack. His doctor warned him weeks ago but the stupid fucker wouldn't have a bypass. | |
Joke by pornstar, in Jokes with no home > Motorways - Tagged road , protester , motorway , bypass , heart , attack - Current Score: 110 - Added: 4 months, 25 days ago
| One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses. When the priest finished the sermon and everyone had said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again. It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist. Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter. Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "why are you laughing, Mister?" "I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied, "I'm a gynaecologist..." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Funeral - Tagged funeral , gynaecologist , heart , surgeon , coffin - Current Score: 100 - Added: 6 months, 9 days ago
| A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Jaguar when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his garage. The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the Jaguar. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,"So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and said to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Heart Surgery - Tagged heart , surgery , mechanic , engine - Current Score: 62 - Added: 7 months, 8 days ago
| My pub landlord had a heart attack and collapsed last night. Three hours later we were all too pissed to call an ambulance! | |
Joke by Aspen, in Illness and mortality > Heart attack - Tagged heart attack , heart , pub , landlord - Current Score: 15 - Added: 2 months ago
| I spoke to a doctor today who told me my gran's heart is failing. Not too worried though...it's been in a scouser since she died in May. | |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Illness and mortality > Heart - Tagged heart , scouser , gran , doctor - Current Score: 14 - Added: 3 months, 21 days ago
| An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "we have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane. The third is an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30 years." "I'll take the lawyer's heart," said the patient. After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy," the patient replied. "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used." | |
Joke by IrishRussell, in Illness and mortality > Medicine - Tagged lawers , old , man , heart , used , doner - Current Score: 13 - Added: 1 year ago
| An old man just had a heart transplant and was getting instructions from his doctor. He was placed on a strict diet, denied tobacco and alcohol, and advised to get at least eight hours sleep a night. "What about my sex life?" asked the old man "Will it be all right for me to have intercourse?" "Only with your wife," said the doctor. "We don't want you to get too excited." | |
Joke by tanz_kid, in Sex and shit > Old - Tagged old , man , old man , sex , wife , heart , heart transplant , doctor - Current Score: 10 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| How come if I'm utterly shite at my job I get given a P45, but the yanks in Iraq get given a Purple Heart? | |
Joke by TGS, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged yanks , gis , soldiers , soldier , purple , heart , americans , giving out medals like theyre candy - Current Score: 8 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| I am odds on to win X Factor next year. My wife will die in childbirth and the kids will die of a rare disease. My dad will die of a heart attack and my mum will die of a broken heart. I will tell the judges that I was sexually abused and that I spent years in jail . I will admit that I am a crack addict but will cease if I win X Factor. And, if all else fails, I will cry in front of Cheryl-fucking-Cole and she will will get me through. Its so easy, life, innit? | |
Joke by justincider, in Celebrity and news events > X-factor - Tagged wife , childbirth , heart , attack , heart , shit , tv - Current Score: 5 - Added: 1 month, 30 days ago
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