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| "Why men are not agony aunts" ***** Dear Neville, I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him any more. Can you please help? Sincerely, Mrs. Sheila Usk Dear Sheila, A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps. Neville |    |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged agony aunt , help , simple - Current Score: 392 - Added: 10 months, 20 days ago
| I used to think I had massive dick, as when ever I was fucking a girl they would always scream... ...although it was normally for help. | |
Joke by The Wolf, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged rape , rapist , big dick , help , rape alarm - Current Score: 122 - Added: 4 months, 24 days ago
| I bought a self-help tape the other day. It was called "How to handle disappointment." When I opened the box, it was empty. | |
Joke by oddball_o, in Jokes with no home > Ironic - Tagged irony , dissapointment , self , help , tape , box , empty - Current Score: 117 - Added: 3 months, 20 days ago
| A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church, sits down in a confessional box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either." | |
Joke by D dude, in Religion and racism > Priest - Tagged priest , drunk , shit , help - Current Score: 93 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Talking about the father who repeatedly raped his daughters, Gordon Brown has said: "People will want to know how such abuse could go on for so long without the authorities and the wider public services discovering it and taking action." Damn right we do. That guy had technique. | |
Joke by storyteller, in Celebrity and news events > Sheffield Rapist - Tagged rape , daughters , sheffield , help , family - Current Score: 89 - Added: 1 week ago
| I saw a billboard the other day that said: NEED HELP?CALL JESUS 1 800 555 3787 Out of curiosity I called, and a fucking Mexican turned up with a lawnmower. | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Religion and racism > Mexicans - Tagged help , jesus , lawnmower , spick - Current Score: 32 - Added: 1 week ago
| I don't like Americans, but I don't think they're mentally deficient. (if you are American, mentally deficient means dumb) | |
Joke by storyteller, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged americans , dumb , stupid , definition , help , idiots , america - Current Score: 22 - Added: 6 days ago
| Late last week, I was rushing around trying to get some shopping done for my little boys' forthcoming birthday. I was stressed out and a little irate. It was dark, cold, and wet in the car park as I was loading my car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy. I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later. So mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the shopping centre entrance. As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 years old. He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged old football shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill. Oddly enough, he was holding a fifty pound note in his hand. Thinking that he had got lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad story. He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and four sisters all of whom also had birthdays imminent just like my little boy. His father had died when he was nine years old. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full time jobs. She made very little to support her large family. Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save one hundred pounds to buy her children birthday presents. The young boy had been dropped off, by his mother, on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home. He had not even entered the shopping centre, when an older boy grabbed one of the fifty pound notes and disappeared into the night. "Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked. The boy said, "I did." "And nobody came to help you?" I wondered. The boy stared at the pavement and sadly shook his head. "How loud did you scream?" I inquired. The soft-spoken boy looked up, tears in his eyes and meekly whispered, "Help me!" I realised that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help. So I grabbed his other fifty pound note and legged it back to my car. Result or what? | |
Joke by popsickle, in Jokes with no home > Birthday - Tagged help , mugging - Current Score: 20 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| The Americans have only ever got one thing right in life How to make a burger,fries & large coke Must have had help from the British on this one | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > McDonalds - Tagged mcdonalds , burger , fries , coke , america , british , help - Current Score: 18 - Added: 6 months, 11 days ago
| There was a fire in the IT department at work last week. We knew something was wrong when we heard them shouting, "F1! F1!" | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > IT - Tagged it , fire , help - Current Score: 13 - Added: 8 months, 19 days ago
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