Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Showing all jokes.
| There are only ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use: 10. What the fuck do you mean we're sinking? -- Capt. E.J Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912 9. What the fuck was that? -- Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945 8. Where did all these fucking Indians come from? -- Custer, 1877 7. Any fucking idiot could understand that. -- Einstein, 1938 6. It does so fucking look like her! -- Picasso, 1926 5. How the fuck did you work that out? -- Pythagoras, 126 BC 4. You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling? -- Michelangelo, 1566 3. Scattered fucking showers, my arse! -- Noah, 4314 BC 2 Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is going to find out? -- Bill Clinton, 1999 1. Geez, I didn't think they'd get this fucking mad. -- Saddam Hussein, 2003 Added by doversole: Must get that fucking handrail fixed. -- Robert Maxwell, 1991 added by woop123: i only wanted fucking world domination.-adolf hitler 1945 |    |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Sex and shit > fuck - Tagged history , acceptable , fuck , clinton , hussein - Current Score: 267 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Why is it that, when the Sealed Knot recreate Civil War battles, it's considered to be enriching historical entertainment and a nice family day out but, when me and a few mates attempt to recreate the holocaust, we all get arrested? | |
Joke by bizlop, in Religion and racism > Hitler - Tagged jew , holocaust , sealed knot , history , anti semitism , jews , jewish , violence - Current Score: 159 - Added: 5 months, 5 days ago
| I was watching the final on Sunday with a bunch of Italians-at first they were all supporting Germany, but they all changed sides half way through when Germany started losing. Who says history doesn't repeat itself? | |
Joke by twayne, in Religion and racism > Italians - Tagged world war two , italians , cowards , wops , dagos , football , euro 2008 , sides , germany , spain , history - Current Score: 135 - Added: 5 months, 2 days ago
| When we were kids, my sister always said she'd go down in history. Looking back, that's probably why she got such good marks. | |
Joke by Fles, in Sex and shit > School - Tagged history , school - Current Score: 60 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| LONDON (Reuters Life!) - The world's oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests that toilet humour was as popular with the ancients as it is today. It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap." And beneath it, in chalk, the word 'duplicate'. | |
Joke by Fles, in Celebrity and news events > Joke - Tagged oldest joke , duplicate , sickipedia , wit , history , iraq - Current Score: 37 - Added: 4 months, 2 days ago
| A short history of the USA In the 15th Century, an Italian navigator headed west with the intention of discovering a western route to the riches of the Indies, after the imperial expansion of the "Religion of Peace" (trademark) had made the conventional eastern routes... erm... somewhat problematic. Slightly to his surprise, he discovered a number of islands in the Caribbean and, eventually, mainland America. Over the next hundred and fifty years, using various ruses, Britain, France, Spain and Portugal, managed to unload many of their undesirables in this direction until eventually a number of sizeable colonies were established. In the course of time, the Colonists realised that they had been had in a variation of the well-known Korean Knife Fighting Course scam and, in a hissy fit, revolted. After putting up a token resistance, but secretly glad to be rid of them, Britain abandoned a big chunk of it's North American Colonies and left them in the care of Uncle Festus and his banjo playing, tobacco chewing sons and daughters, to let incest take its course. Those of taste and decency kept the northern part of the continent, but allowed the French to hang around so as not to make everyone else too jealous. With some prompting from various French and British ne'er-do-wells, these former Colonies eventually adopted a Constitution featuring equality and justice for all - unless you happened to be a female, black or a native American Indian... In the early 1800's (1812) they decided that they would try a land grab, and under the pretext of complaining about deserting sailors getting lifted by the Regulators, decided to invade the decent chaps up north. Having burned a town or two in the middle of winter (obviously they had to burn the 'ville in order to save it), and having been held to a draw by the local TA (the Regular Army were busy with some short dictator who had conquered all of Europe, and was being faced alone by Britain... hold on, where have I heard that before...) and achieved none of the war aims, they claimed to have won and signed an armistice. The fact that Britain had taken time off from defeating dictators, landed at their capital, given the defenders a kicking, eaten the President's victory banquet, and torched his house so that he had to redecorate in a fetching shade of white had nothing to do with it. The fact that they still teach that it was somehow a victory (or at least a draw) is proof that the White House has had good spin doctors for the past two hundred years. The fact that they thought that the Canadians would welcome them with open arms, and bless them for their liberation from the eeevil empire, is similar proof that the CIA hasn't improved much either. In the late 1800's (1861-66) the Northern states decided that the Southern ones were having too much fun (wearing taffeta, whipping black houseboys etc) and decided that from then on that some of their 'property' were now officially people and couldn't be owned. When the South replied 'up yours' the North came down with a big army but ran away when the South squared up to them. 5 years and 600,000+ dead people later the South decided they would release all their slaves ... who promptly struggled to survive/get work in a now shattered nation. Apart from that- how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln? In more recent times, the American contribution to war-fighting has been to throw vast amounts of cash, and quite large numbers of expendable young men, at the problem and then to claim victory afterwards. This failed to work out in Vietnam or Somalia but stood the USA in good stead in WW1, WW2, the Korean War, Gulf War 1 and Gulf War 2: 'This Time It's Personal...'. It should be noted that the Spams hate being late for a war. Its like turning up at the cinema and finding the movie has alreadys started and you've missed the start. After having been VERY late for WW1, being fairly late for part 2 and having a small part in the early stages of Korea ... the US of A swore it would never be late again (mainly cause the other countries were starting to question its gender orientation). As a result they now demand to start all wars or at least be the major target. Expect all future presidents to declare war and ask questions after the bombs have started falling - this will be known as the GWB amendment to the constitution. (Courtesy of the fine historians at www.ARRSE.co.uk) | |
Joke by Mach, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged usa , history , 1812 , spams , yanks - Current Score: 33 - Added: 6 months, 13 days ago
| When I was a kid I wanted to be a history teacher but when I got older I realised there was no future in it. | |
Joke by RevvyB, in Jokes with no home > Job - Tagged history - Current Score: 28 - Added: 6 months, 14 days ago
| I don't understand what all the fuss is about. Historically, black is evil and white is good. Oh, I forgot. America has no history. | |
Joke by baldlice, in Celebrity and news events > Barack Obama - Tagged election , history , barack obama - Current Score: 16 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| With interest rates and inflation rates at an all time high, it finally looks like Gordon Brown will achieve his goal of making poverty history. | |
Joke by bawbag, in Celebrity and news events > Gordon Brown - Tagged inflation , gordon brown , history - Current Score: 1 - Added: 3 months, 15 days ago
| There's a history of strokes in my family. My Grandad stroked my dad then my dad stroked me. And my daughters have all been stroked by me. | |
Joke by justincider, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged history , strokes , family , daughters , grandad , dad - Current Score: 1 - Added: 2 months, 18 days ago
Showing all jokes.
Custurd spent 0.02ms doing 12 queries and 0.09s processing. She's 0.31% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel