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| Michael Owen is in a nightclub. He spots a gorgeous young lady in there, and he goes up to her, squeezes her arse and asks her if she fancies a shag. She says: "Blimey, you're a little forward, aren't you?" |    |
Joke by laba, in Celebrity and news events > Michael Owen - Tagged michael owen , michael , owen , little , man , forward , football , world , cup , slag , woman , shag , horny , gash , club , alcohol - Current Score: 140 - Added: 1 month, 17 days ago
| Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late." His friend looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say 'WHO'S HORNY????!!!' and she acts like she's sound asleep! Works every time!" | |
Joke by Token, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged drinking , horny , wife - Current Score: 90 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?" Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up their hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds up their hand. "See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?" Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father." Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard." | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Sex and shit > 2 Girls 1 Cup - Tagged teacher , animals , horny , bastard , school - Current Score: 54 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Two guys are leaving work when one says: "The first thing I'm going to do when I get home is rip my wife's panties off." "You're that horny?" "No, the elastic is killing me." | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > panties - Tagged horny , elastic , work , guys - Current Score: 44 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens. When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!" So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house, though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. "Henry," he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Henry strutted into the henhouse. Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, until Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn't stop there. Henry went into the barn and mounted all of the horses, one by one, and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief cried out, "Stop, Henry! You'll kill yourself!" But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A vulture was already circling above Henry. The farmer walked up to Henry saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you little buddy." "Shhhhhhh," Henry whispered, "the vulture's getting closer." (Jasper Carrot - "Bantam Cock"...and of course his was set to a tune, which makes it better) | |
Joke by ged, in Sex and shit > 69 - Tagged rooster , farmer , horny , vulture , jasper carrott , bantam cock - Current Score: 36 - Added: 5 months, 17 days ago
| One of my colleagues left the S&M factory last week to retire. We had a whip around before she went. | |
Joke by waspstink, in Sex and shit > S&M - Tagged sampm , sampm , sado , sadist , whip , porn , sex , sex , retirement , job , factory , colleague , horny , fuck , cunt , rape , pedo - Current Score: 11 - Added: 2 months ago
| There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again. Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it. He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help. The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want." The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash. When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr." After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?" | |
Joke by sicksims, in Sex and shit > camels - Tagged camel , car , breakdown , desert , horny , sex , beautiful , blondes , will , do , anything - Current Score: -1 - Added: 2 weeks ago
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