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| "It's too hot to wear clothes today," my husband said to me, stepping out of the shower. "What do you reckon the neighbours will think if I mow the grass like this?" he asked. "Probably that I married you for your money," I replied. |    |
Joke by sophiaishere, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged hot , naked , neighbours , little dick , marriage - Current Score: 175 - Added: 3 months, 6 days ago
| I saw a sign recently that said, "Dogs Die in Hot Cars." This advice saved me £80 in vet bills when I had to get my Alasatian put down. | |
Joke by bawbag, in Jokes with no home > Dog - Tagged dog , die , hot , advice - Current Score: 164 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| Is anyone else thinking that, now that Emma Watson (Hermione in Harry Potter) is 18 years old, it's only a matter of time before there's a sex video on the internet with her in it! It's about time, I've been waiting 7 years! | |
Joke by ididyourmom, in Celebrity and news events > Emma Watson - Tagged hot , emma watson , harry potter - Current Score: 88 - Added: 3 months, 23 days ago
| This bloke is flying his hot air balloon over southern Ireland and he is completely lost. He looks down and sees a bloke fishing on a lake, so he shouts down, "hello, could you please tell me where I am?" And Paddy shouts up, "you can't fool me, mister, you're in that fuckin' basket." | |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , hot , air , ballon , ireland , basket - Current Score: 76 - Added: 5 months, 20 days ago
| Due to cold snowy weather conditions expected soon, the Met office has issued a statement , a spokesman said "Make sure that when you drive , that you always carry a flask and a spade, this way you can have a hot drink, while the spade pushes your car!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged weather , met office , spade , hot , drink , snow , car , flask , cold - Current Score: 64 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| I came home last night and there was a big spider in the bath. I wouldn't have minded but it'd used all the fucking hot water. | |
Joke by mickle, in Jokes with no home > One Liners - Tagged spider , bath , water , hot - Current Score: 59 - Added: 4 months, 10 days ago
| Colin Farrel was recently asked about prostitutes and he said, "It’s like ordering a pizza." "When it’s delivered, it’s never quite as hot as you hoped it would be." | |
Joke by Kristow, in Celebrity and news events > 9/11 - Tagged colin farrel , pizza , prostitute , hot - Current Score: 31 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| Has anyone seen the pic of Christopher Foster's daughter Kirstie? She is hot... I mean, she is really on fire. | |
Joke by vampy-dav, in Celebrity and news events > Foster Family - Tagged kirstie , foster , fire , hot - Current Score: 15 - Added: 3 months, 4 days ago
| So far two bodies have been recovered from the fire at the Foster Family Mansion. Police are expecting to find at least one more as the local Tesco was offering 3 for the price of 2 on all barbeque items. | |
Joke by baldlice, in Celebrity and news events > Mansion Fire - Tagged barbeque , tesco , foster family , mansion , hot - Current Score: 15 - Added: 3 months, 3 days ago
| I am on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me. You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you lay on my naked body. You sensed my indifference, so you started to bite my body without any guilt or humiliation and you drove me crazy while you sucked me dry. Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail. My body still shows your marks, making it harder to forget you. Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you. As soon you appear I will quickly grab you and won't let you go. I will hold you with all my strength so you won't disappear. I won't rest until l squeeze your blood out... ...you fucking little mosquito. | |
Joke by welsh twat, in Jokes with no home > Insects - Tagged mosquito , blood , hot , fucking - Current Score: 14 - Added: 4 weeks ago
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