Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Page 1 of 2 - Next Page
| Why should you never shag a midget with learning difficulties? It's not big and it's not clever. |    |
Joke by Fox, in Illness and mortality > Midget - Tagged dwarf , midget , dyslexic , stupid , idiot - Current Score: 277 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News that "God would make her better." Presumably, that's a different God from the one that almost killed her with a tornado. | |
Joke by analcake, in Religion and racism > Christianity - Tagged tornado , idiot , american , christians , god-botherers , viz - Current Score: 274 - Added: 4 months, 27 days ago
| Apparently these are real answers from Quiz programs. BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point. Theakston: There's a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester. PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er. . . Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . . Contestant: Blimey? BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don't know. White: I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm. White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .? Contestant: Strong. White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name? Contestant: Louis. White: Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra? LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS) Alex Trelinski: What's the capital of Italy? Contestant: France. Trelinski: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Sorry, I don't know. Trelinski: Just guess a country then. Contestant: Paris. BEACON RADIO, (Wolverhampton) DJ Mark: For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope? Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish? GWR FM, (Bristol) Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then. LINCOLNSHIRE FM PHONE-IN Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona. Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I'm sorry; I don't know the names of any countries in Spain. NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Q: What is the world's largest continent? A: The Pacific RICHARD AND JUDY (C4)) Presenter: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant: Er. . . Presenter: He makes bread. . . Contestant: Err... Presenter: He makes cakes . . Contestant: Kipling Street? BREAKFAST SHOW (RADIO 1) Chris Moyles: Which 's' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes? Contestant: Ummm. . . Moyles: It begins with 's' and rhymes with 'perm'. Contestant: Shark. JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC) O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant: Well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth. . . er . . . Three? CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL) Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again. Caller: Er . . . Mexico? PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE) Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days. DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO) Denham: In which country would you spend shekels? Contestant: Holland? Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet. Contestant: Iceland? Ireland? Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel? Contestant: No. STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (RADIO 2) Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play? Contestant: Jesus NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and . . ? Contestant: Jelly. THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2) Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'j' is where two roads meet? Contestant: Jool carriageway? QUIZMANIA (ITV) Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with T. Contestant: Doctor. Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango. Contestant: Oh, (pause) Doctor. BIG QUIZ (LBC) Gary King: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court. Contestant: Lepers. TALKSPORT Andy Townsend: How many wheels does a tricycle have? Caller: Two. Townsend: The Beatles were known as the Fab...? Caller: Five. MAGIC 52 (NORTH-EAST ENGLAND) Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated? Contestant: Erm... Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964. Contestant: 1965? FAMILY FORTUNES. Presenter : Name a bird with a long neck? Contestant : Naomi Campbell Presenter : Name a dangerous race? Contestant :The Arabs Presenter : Name something that's red? Contestant : My Nan's Cardigan | |
Joke by staffer, in Religion and racism > Nigger - Tagged how bizzare , quiz , stupid , idiot - Current Score: 245 - Added: 1 month, 10 days ago
| Like This How do you confuse an American? | |
Joke by shire_10, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged american , stupid , confuse , america , cunt , idiot , shire_10 - Current Score: 226 - Added: 5 months, 13 days ago
| There are three mums - a Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says, "Oh my gosh, I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed" They comfort her and the redhead says, "Yes, well I found a fake I. D. in my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one." So they all comfort her. Then the blonde says, "That's nothing, I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis." | |
Joke by The Wolf, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged brunette , redhead , blonde , idiot , mum , penis - Current Score: 105 - Added: 6 months, 27 days ago
| A guy bursts into a library and walks up to the book counter and shouts, "PINT OF LAGER, PLEASE, BARMAID!" Shocked, the librarian replies, "I'm sorry sir but this is a library!" Realising his mistake, the guy whispers very quietly, "sorry... pint of lager, please, barmaid." | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Drinking Jokes - Tagged beer , pub , idiot - Current Score: 89 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| We went to the cinema the other night. I sat in an aisle seat, as I usually do, because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the centre of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me." By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "couldn't you have done this a little earlier?" "No!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELLPHONE, PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car." | |
Joke by Doodlebug, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged movie , girl , blonde , stupid , idiot , cunt , wank - Current Score: 76 - Added: 7 months, 23 days ago
| According to the papers, Michael Jackson is depressed. Of course he is - the fucking kids have gone back to school. | |
Joke by OzzieOwl28, in Celebrity and news events > Michael Jackson - Tagged black , white , michael , jackson , perv , paeodophile , idiot , drop caps - Current Score: 22 - Added: 8 months, 19 days ago
| This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organisation for "Termination without Cause." Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller: Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." CS: "What sort of trouble?" C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." CS: "Went away?" C: "They disappeared." CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" C: "Nothing." CS: "Nothing?" C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" C: "How do I tell?" CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" C: "What's a sea-prompt?" CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type." CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" C: "What's a monitor?" CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" C: "I don't know." CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" C: "Yes, I think so." CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." C: ".......Yes, it is." CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" C: "No." CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." C: ".......Okay, here it is." CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" C: "No." CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." CS: "Dark?" C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." CS: "Well, turn on the office light then." C: "I can't." CS: "No? Why not?" C: "Because there's a power outage." CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." C: "Really? Is it that bad?" CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is." C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer." | |
Joke by charlesda9, in Jokes with no home > Computers - Tagged wordperfect , helpline , idiot - Current Score: 20 - Added: 6 months, 14 days ago
| What are the best 10 years of an American's life? 3rd Grade | |
Joke by Denissuxx, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged american , school , stupid , idiot - Current Score: 18 - Added: 1 month, 6 days ago
Page 1 of 2 - Next Page
Custurd spent 0.02ms doing 12 queries and 0.09s processing. She's 0.13% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel