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| My therapist says that I've got a preoccupation with vengeance; we'll see about that... |    |
Joke by offended?, in Illness and mortality > Therapist - Tagged vengeance , therapist , illness - Current Score: 189 - Added: 1 month ago
| A local charity office realized that it had never received a donation from the towns most successful Jewish lawyer. The director called him, hoping to get a contribution. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you've given not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the director mumbled, Um...no. "Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken director began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted. "Or that my sister's husband died in a car accident" the lawyers voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated director said simply, "I had no idea" "So if I don't give any money to them, why the hell would I give any to you?" | |
Joke by Guest, in Illness and mortality > Disease - Tagged lawyer , illness , money , unfairness - Current Score: 111 - Added: 6 months ago
| A man goes to see the doctor complaining he has an orange cock. The doctor asks him to flop it out so he can have a look to see what the trouble is. The man duly gets his cock out for the doctor and, sure enough, it's bright orange. The doctor is amazed by this and tells the man he has never seen anything like it before and asks him when he last had had sex? "Never," says the man, "I'm a virgin and live on my own". "Does anyone else in your family have this affliction?" asks the doc. "Not that I'm aware of" replies the man. "Do you work with any strong chemicals?" queries the doctor. "No, I'm unemployed" states the man. "Really," says the doctor, "what do you do all day, then?" The man replies, "I sit at home watching porn films eating Wotsits." | |
Joke by Katherine Boyle, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged man , cock , wotsits , doctor , virgin , illness , std , sexual disease - Current Score: 69 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| For years I dreamt of getting my hands on Christina Applegate's tits. Now, thanks to breast cancer and eBay, I've got a chance! | |
Joke by gippo1965, in Celebrity and news events > Christina Applegate - Tagged celebrity , christina applegate , cancer , tits , illness - Current Score: 50 - Added: 1 week ago
| What's yellow and looks good on the French? The advanced stages of cancer. | |
Joke by Mrwolf, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged french , racism , racist , france , illness , cancer , cruel - Current Score: 50 - Added: 1 year ago
| I used some of that quick drying wood stain the other day and, like they say, it did exactly what it said on the tin. It caused nausea and vomiting when ingested! | |
Joke by cooperman, in Illness and mortality > Puking - Tagged woodstain , illness , vomit - Current Score: 40 - Added: 8 months ago
| What's the difference between AIDS and cancer? When you have cancer you still get visitors. | |
Joke by sponge, in Illness and mortality > AIDS - Tagged aids , cancer , illness , difference - Current Score: 25 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| My gran used to have terrible arthritis leaving her completely crippled. She used to drink 1 litre of olive oil a day to try and combat it. Did it work? No, but you should have seen how quick the cremation went. | |
Joke by jmtRyan, in Illness and mortality > Arthritis - Tagged illness - Current Score: 22 - Added: 2 months, 30 days ago
| How come anorexia is an eating disorder? I would have said it was a 'not eating' disorder. | |
Joke by buzz-lightyear, in Illness and mortality > Anorexia - Tagged slimming , eating , illness , skinny - Current Score: 22 - Added: 4 months ago
| Three Spastics walk into a bar. The first one goes up to the bar and says "Cgaann I hbavvvvf a Bbeeeeaaarrrr Plleeeaaeezzzzzz?" Bartender pulls out a gun and shoots him. Second one goes up: "CVaaaann I Hvaaabva a Swaaaaaaaagggmbwichg Plleeeeeeeaaggzzzzzzzzz?" Bartender shoots him Third one: "Cbvaaaaaannnggggggg I Haveeeeeeggg a Paaaagggkkchetttt of Cwhipsszzzzz pleeeezzzzz?" Bartender shoots him. After a while, the police come in and say to the bartender: "What the Fuck is going on here? why did you kill all these people? You murderer! You Facist, you Nazi!!! Barman says: "Fffftttthhhheyy vweereeee taaaggggkkingggg dtha Pissszzzz!!!!" | |
Joke by Guest, in Illness and mortality > Spastics - Tagged spaz , spastic , illness , retard , mentally handicapped - Current Score: 15 - Added: 11 months ago
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