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| Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy, who has a broken leg. Paddy says, "me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?" "No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds. "Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both." "Fook off you liar!" "I'll prove it," Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, "both of them, Paddy?" "Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?" |    |
Joke by charlie1105, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , twins , fuck , daughter - Current Score: 452 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are discussing family. Englishman says, "My son was born on St.George's Day so I called him George!" "What a coincidence!" says the Scotsman, "My son was born on St.Andrews Day so I called him Andrew!" "Jaysus!" says the Irishman, "That's fucking amazing!, wait 'til I go home and tell our Pancake!!! | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > family - Tagged english , irish , scots - Current Score: 247 - Added: 1 year ago
| What's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't wander around Dublin thinking he's Bono. | |
Joke by iKarp, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , god , bono - Current Score: 246 - Added: 11 months ago
| There's an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all talking about their teenage daughters.The Englishman says, "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smoked." The Scotsman says, "that's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank." With that the Irishman says, "both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock." | |
Joke by pdf1, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , daughter , cock - Current Score: 197 - Added: 1 year ago
| Muslim fundamentalists have got to be the shitest terrorists in history. Even the fuckin' Irish worked out you could walk away from a bomb before it blows up! | |
Joke by blue--ink, in Religion and racism > Muslim - Tagged muslim , fundamentalist , terrorist , bomb , irish - Current Score: 174 - Added: 1 month ago
| An Irish family have frozen to death outside a theatre in Dublin. They had been queuing for 3 weeks to see Closed For The Winter. | |
Joke by DDJ, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , theatre , dublin , ireland , stupid , dead - Current Score: 173 - Added: 9 months ago
| An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are drowning their sorrows down the pub. "I can't believe it." says the Englishman. "Me and the wife- we've been together 15 years and today I found out she's been having an affair with a builder." "How do you know it was a builder?" the others ask. "I found a box of tools under the bed." "Join the club." says the Scotsman. "Today, I found out my wife's been having an affair with a milkman." "How do you know it was a milkman?" the others ask. "I found a crate of milk under the bed." "You as well?" asks the Irishman. "I've just found out the wife was having an affair with a fokkin horse!" The other two look at him incredulously. "How do you know it was a horse?" "I found a jockey hiding under the bed." | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged englishman , irishman , scotsman , irish , affair - Current Score: 148 - Added: 11 months ago
| Paddy takes his new wife home on his wedding night. She lies on the bed, spread-eagled, naked, and says, "Paddy....you know what I want....." "Yeah....the whole fucking bed by the looks of it!" | |
Joke by garrygwizz, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged paddy , sex , irish , wedding - Current Score: 142 - Added: 3 months ago
| Two Irishmen are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden....... 'Hey Paddy, do you smell what I smell. It's bacon - I'm sure of it.' 'Yes, Mick, it smells like bacon to me.' So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat. 'Paddy, paddy we're saved. It is a bacon tree.' 'Mick, are you sure it's not a mirage? We are in the desert, don't forget.' 'Paddy, when did you ever hear of a mirage that smell like bacon? It's no mirage, it's a bacon tree.' And, with that, Mick races towards the tree. He gets to within five metres, Paddy following closely behind, when, all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up and Mick is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Paddy with his dying breath. 'Paddy... go back man, you was right it's not a bacon tree.' 'Mick, Mick ... what the fuck is it?' 'Paddy... its not a bacon tree... it's... it's... it's... it's a Ham Bush.' | |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged bacon , paddy , irish , tree , machine gun , ham bush , back , pig , desert , smoked - Current Score: 135 - Added: 3 months ago
| Two Irishmen walking past a Police Station. A big poster at the front reads "Two Blackmen wanted for rape!" Paddy turns to Mick and says "Dem Fokkers always get the best jobs". | |
Joke by treefella22, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , rape , black - Current Score: 130 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
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