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| The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest. "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest. "It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favours," continued the old man. "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest. "Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest. The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?" |    |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Priest - Tagged old man , italian , war - Current Score: 168 - Added: 7 months ago
| A Greek and an Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." The Italian says, "we have the Coliseum." The Greek says, "we had great mathematicians." The Italian says, "we had the Roman Empire." And so on and so on for hours, until finally the Greek lights up and says, "we invented sex." The Italian nods slowly and thinks, then replies, "that is true, but it was Italians who introduced it to women." | |
Joke by prydwen, in Sex and shit > Greek - Tagged italian , greek , sex , women , homosexuality - Current Score: 147 - Added: 3 months ago
| A virile, middle-aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No." Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, "You finish?" Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, "No." Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, "You finish?" Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispered in his ear, "No, I'm Norwegian." | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged rome , italian , fin , norwegian , sex , passion - Current Score: 139 - Added: 1 year ago
| A woman goes to Italy to attend a two-week company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her a good trip. The wife answers, "thank you, honey, what would you like me to bring back for you?" The husband laughs and says, "an Italian girl!" The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later, he picks her up in the airport and asks, "so, honey, how was the trip?" "Very good, thank you." "And what happened to my present?" "Which present?" she asked. "The one I asked for - an Italian girl!" "Oh, that", she said. "Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl!" | |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged italian , sex , pregnancy - Current Score: 105 - Added: 9 months ago
| An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > Itatians - Tagged fuck , italian , pregnant - Current Score: 98 - Added: 9 months ago
| A bus stops and an Italian man gets on. He sits down, fetches out his mobile and starts a very animated conversation. "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." An old lady behind the man is furious at hearing such filth. "You foul-mouthed wop! " snaps the lady. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Heya you old bitch!" says the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi..." | |
Joke by Mrwolf, in Religion and racism > Italians - Tagged italian , racism , women , wop - Current Score: 30 - Added: 1 year ago
| Liverpool FC have made two new signings - a Japanese lad and an Italian. Rafa Benitez says they should fit in well with Liverpool's style. Their names? Nickamotor and Robatelli. | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged scouser , liverpool , football , jap , italian - Current Score: 28 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife."Honey,"she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce!!" | |
Joke by darylsws, in Sex and shit > Pregnancy - Tagged postcard , italian , pregnant , spaghetti , metballs , sauce , husband , wife - Current Score: 27 - Added: 11 months ago
| A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes, the Greek guy says, "well, we have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "we have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "we Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "but we built the Roman Empire" And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "we invented sex!" The Italian thinks for a couple of seconds and replies quietly, "that is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!" | |
Joke by Mongfoot, in Sex and shit > Greek - Tagged greek , italian , sex - Current Score: 26 - Added: 9 months ago
| Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be." The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone. The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone. The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > Nun - Tagged nun , italian , st peter - Current Score: 19 - Added: 7 months ago
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