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| How come the movie 'White Men Can't Jump' isn't racist, yet, when I try to make a movie called 'Black Men Can't Get Jobs,' I get called a racist? |    |
Joke by firejam, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged black , job , white men cant jump - Current Score: 1228 - Added: 5 months, 19 days ago
| A Scouser inadvertently goes into a gay bar for a beer. He sits at the bar supping his pint when one gay gentleman decides to chance his luck. He approaches the scouser and whispers something into his ear, whereupon the Liverpudlian turns around in complete disgust and horror and proceeds to punch the living fuck out of the homosexual, fist after fist punching him out the door, kicking him across the pub car park, relentlessly punching and kicking until the victim lay comatose. The Scouser then dusted himself down and calmly returned to his pint at the bar, whilst the horrified staff and clientele stood silent and motionless. Eventually, the barman plucks up the courage to ask what had happened: Barman: "Bloody hell mate. What on earth did he whisper to you?" Scouser: "Dunno, something about a 'job'." | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged scouser , homosexual , fight , gay , bar , wanker , liverpool , job , work , gay bar , punch , kick , punched , kicked - Current Score: 406 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| I work for the Samaritans. I tried to call in sick this morning but the fuckers talked me out of it. | |
Joke by leisuresuitlee, in Jokes with no home > One Liners - Tagged job , samaritans , sick , bastards - Current Score: 350 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| A blonde and a brunette are talking in the office... Blonde: I'm not feeling very well... I have a sore throat. Brunette: When I have a sore throat, I give my husband a blow job... the next day, my throat is fine. Blonde: Hmmm... interesting. The next day... Brunette: How's your throat? Blonde: Fine... your idea was great! Your husband couldn't believe it was your idea! | |
Joke by poosmellsyucky, in Sex and shit > Blow Job - Tagged husband , sorethroat , blow , job , blonde - Current Score: 241 - Added: 9 months, 26 days ago
| A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I'm looking for a job." The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes, uniform provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The salary package is £200,000 a year." The scouser said, "You're bullshitting me!" The man behind the counter replied, "Well, you bloody started it." | |
Joke by orangesweets, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged chav , job , scouser , job centre , unemployed - Current Score: 226 - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago
| A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some tosser wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?" "Originally from Essex sir," the boy replied. "Why did you leave Essex?" the manager asked. The boy answered, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex." "No shit!" the boy replied. "Who does she play for?" | |
Joke by stopher, in Jokes with no home > Football - Tagged supermarket , job , tosser , football - Current Score: 225 - Added: 1 year ago
| Bored? Broke? Do you find yourself with over 35 spare hours to fill every week? Would you like to earn hundreds of pounds every month? Then get a fucking job like the rest of us, you lazy bastard. | |
Joke by bleary, in Jokes with no home > Spam - Tagged pyramid scheme , get rich quick scheme , job - Current Score: 209 - Added: 3 months, 9 days ago
| "In this job we need someone who is responsible," said an employer to a prospective employee. "I'm your man," replied the potential employee. "On my last job, every time things went wrong, they said I was responsible". | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Jokes with no home > Job - Tagged job , employer , responsible - Current Score: 166 - Added: 2 months ago
| My wife got a new job recently. It's hard to say what she does... She sells sea shells.......... | |
Joke by andanutherthing, in Jokes with no home > Wife - Tagged sea shells , job , wife - Current Score: 159 - Added: 1 month, 12 days ago
| A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, "you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way". This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, "You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired." | |
Joke by MRMIdAS, in Sex and shit > Women - Tagged women , job , just friends , word for word of a joke from last comic standing - Current Score: 156 - Added: 3 weeks ago
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