What's black and runs into walls? Jordan's baby.

I had to get a Visa last week to gain entry into Jordan. I prefer the good old days when she accepted cash.

I saw on the news that an Australian had gone missing in Jordan. Peter Andre really should be more careful when he licks her out...

If Jordan is meant to be married to Peter Andre, why is she always being photographed with Gary Coleman?

What's Jordan's favourite cocktail? A Harvey Wallbanger.

What's the difference between Dwight Yorke and the Israeli Army? The Israeli Army knows when to pull out of Jordan

Why doesn't Jordan let Harvey play in the sand pit ?...In case the cats bury him.

I saw that Peter Andre today. I said to him, "so, tell me Peter, what was the third thing that attracted you to your wife?"

Apparently 106 Iraqi refugees have just arrived home from Jordan. And I thought Peter Andre was the big cunt.

After the sacking of Avram Grant, Jordan has become the favourite to replace him as Chelsea manager. Chelsea spokesman Peter Kenyon said, "yes, this is true - as, at least, we would be assured of bringing two big cups to Stamford Bridge if we bring her in."

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