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| When I was a kid my budgie died, so my mum went out and bought an identical replacement, hoping I wouldn't realise. But I did and I killed that one too. |    |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Kids - Tagged budgie , killed , replacement , identical - Current Score: 313 - Added: 1 month, 23 days ago
| What's the difference between a Sickipedia joke and a tramp? None. Both get killed off if it drops below minus 10. | |
Joke by norrth6, in Jokes with no home > Big Issue - Tagged tramp , minus 10 , killed , sickipedia - Current Score: 129 - Added: 1 month, 27 days ago
| How do you kill a bunch of retards on a bus? Put poison on the windows. | |
Joke by caliban, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged retard , disabled , disability , retards , retarded , bus , poison , window , windows , kill , killed , murder , spastic , spaz - Current Score: 124 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| My friend recently died; he drowned. So, at his funeral, instead of a wreath, we put a life belt on the coffin. ...well, it's what he'd have wanted. | |
Joke by gartnavel, in Illness and mortality > Drowning - Tagged drown , drowing , death , dead , killed , funeral , friend , friends , coffin - Current Score: 111 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| Saw some black actor on the box last night. It was great... I kicked it out from under his feet and he jiggled on the end of the rope for a good five minutes. | |
Joke by itchyanus, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged black , suicide , killed , racism , murder , kill all niggers - Current Score: 63 - Added: 4 months, 17 days ago
| A man rushes into a pub and orders a double-brandy. While the barman is pouring, the man extends his hand at knee height and asks: "Do penguins grow this tall?" "Sure..." The barman replies. The man raises his hand up to his hip: "How about this tall?" "Well, maybe a king penguin, but I'm not sure..." The man hold his hand at shoulder level: "This tall?" "Not a chance." The man knocks back his drink and says: "Then I just ran over a nun." | |
Joke by cooperman, in Illness and mortality > Accident - Tagged drunk , car , nun , killed , barman - Current Score: 57 - Added: 1 year ago
| I heard that an 87 and an 83 year old recently got married... I thought, "oh, that won't last." | |
Joke by AS, in Illness and mortality > Old People - Tagged marriage , death , dead , killed - Current Score: 56 - Added: 7 months, 19 days ago
| What's the difference between Father Christmas and a Jew? Father Christmas goes down the chimney. | |
Joke by caliban, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged jewish , jew , holocaust , santa , racist , father , father christmas , christmas , xmas , chimney , down , up , killed , dead , hitler - Current Score: 49 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| The Unforgettable Elephant Story In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dans legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same elephant! | |
Joke by JamesRose, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged elephant , zoo , kenya , killed - Current Score: 47 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| What do you call a Frenchman killed in battle? The slowest runner. | |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged french , run , runner , killed , battle - Current Score: 39 - Added: 6 months, 25 days ago
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