Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Showing all jokes.
| Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts. Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch. The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost. The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.. |    |
Joke by pandabear, in Jokes with no home > knights - Tagged knight , queen , king , itching , breasts - Current Score: 30 - Added: 4 months, 28 days ago
| Checkers taught me that a guy with another guy on top of him makes him a King. Life taught me that it makes him a Queen. | |
Joke by Jimple Fish, in Sex and shit > Gay - Tagged checkers , king , queen - Current Score: 21 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| Got in a taxi the other night and said, "King George's Close." The driver replied, "don't worry, I'll lose the fucker!" | |
Joke by kevina, in Jokes with no home > Taxi - Tagged taxi , king , close - Current Score: 15 - Added: 1 month, 25 days ago
| John Lennon, John F Kennedy and Martin Luther King went out for a beer. Who got the first round in? The sniper behind the grassy knoll. | |
Joke by Boogaloo, in Jokes with no home > Bar Jokes - Tagged sniper , lennon , jfk , king , beer - Current Score: 13 - Added: 1 month, 25 days ago
| I have a dream... that one day the Pot and the Kettle will be proud to be objects of colour! | |
Joke by Storyteller, in Celebrity and news events > Barack Obama - Tagged black , pot , kettle , king - Current Score: 13 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| What Women Really Want Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises... He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden. Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told Arthur that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question: What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life. Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom. What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable. The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night? What a cruel question? Gawain began to think of his predicament: During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friend, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments? What would you do? What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice. || || _||_ / / Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life. What is the moral of this story? THE MORAL IS THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOUR WOMAN IS PRETTY OR UGLY; UNDERNEATH IT ALL, SHE'S STILL A WITCH. -------------- | |
Joke by gaffer, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged witch , king , ugly - Current Score: 10 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| What do you get if you cross Gary Glitter and Jonathan King? Depends what age you are | |
Joke by karlgent, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged gary , jonathan , king - Current Score: 1 - Added: 8 months, 13 days ago
Showing all jokes.
Custurd spent 0.01ms doing 9 queries and 0.01s processing. She's 1.27% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel