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| Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace knickers. "Since when do you wear womens pants?" "Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!" |    |
Joke by eatmeat, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged knickers , cheating - Current Score: 194 - Added: 10 months ago
| Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side. "When I got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was to take off my trousers. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were enormous on her and she said that she couldn't possibly wear them as they were too large. I said to her, 'of course they are too large for you. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will.' Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem." Jack took his father's advice to heart and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding he did the same thing. He took off his trousers and handed them to Jill and told her to try them on. When she did she said, "I can't wear these, they're far too large for me." "Exactly," Jack replied, "I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Jill took off her knickers and gave them to Jack. "Try these on, Jack," she said, so he tried them on but they were too small. "I can't get into your knickers," said Jack. So Jill replied "Exactly, and if you don't change your fucking attitude, you never will!" | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged marriage , trousers , wife , sex , knickers , boss - Current Score: 100 - Added: 5 months ago
| Two paedophiles were walking down the street one day when they came across a pair of small lacey knickers on the ground. The first one picks them up, smells them and goes, "Aahhh... A seven-year-old girl." The other grabs them from him and also takes a smell and goes, "No, no ... Definitely an eight-year-old girl!" The two of them are them smelling them in turns and arguing. "An eight-year-old!", "No, a seven-year-old!", "Definitely an eight-year-old!" .... and so on. The local priest is walking past as the two men argue and can't help but ask them what the commotion is all about. The first paedophile tells the priest, and asks him if he could sort out the argument, so the priest takes the knickers, has a good long sniff, and after pondering for a few moments he looks at the two men and says: "Definitely an eight-year-old girl! ......... but not from my parish!" | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged paedophile , priest , knickers , parish - Current Score: 100 - Added: 1 year ago
| An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee; and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" Her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's 50 quid, go and buy yourself some underwear." Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary , woman! You've no knickers--why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's 20 quid, go and buy yourself some underwear!" Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Hoot, mon, woman! Why are ye not wearing knickers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough housekeepin' money ta be able ta afford any." The Scot reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the sake of decency, here's a comb, tidy yurrrself up a bit. " | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > Knickers - Tagged knickers , golf , upskirt , pussy - Current Score: 92 - Added: 1 month ago
| Two women are on their way back from a night out when they get desperate for a piss. They're halfway through a graveyard and no one's around so they drop their pants and go behind a couple of gravestones, the first women wipes her fanny with her knickers and the second uses a wreath. The next day the husbands are at the pub and the first one says; "I'll have to keep an eye on my missus from now on, she went out last night and came back with no knickers on!" And the second replies; "That's nothing, mine came home with a card wedged halfway up her arse saying 'We'll always miss you, from all the lads at the station'!" | |
Joke by Lippycunt, in Sex and shit > Women - Tagged women , piss , knickers , graveyard , firemen , husband , wife - Current Score: 74 - Added: 10 months ago
| An Irishman is walking down the street one night when a hooker approaches him; "Hey," she says "d'ya fancy a bit of this?" She lifts up her skirt revealing crotchless knickers and fanny. "Fuck that!" says the paddy, "Have you seen what its done to your knickers?" | |
Joke by Lovelace, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irishman , paddy , hooker , prostitute , fanny , cunt , knickers , o - Current Score: 67 - Added: 3 months, 27 days ago
| Whatever those do-gooders say, there is no such thing as rape. A girl can run a lot fucking faster with her knickers off than a man can with his trousers down. | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged knickers , rape , trousers , running - Current Score: 65 - Added: 7 months ago
| An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl notices something strange about the boots the Irish guy is wearing. She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being fanny or nuffink, but why doz one of your boots 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it" So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, "Well oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R on it is for me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot" "Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THAT'S why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them | |
Joke by mickle, in Religion and racism > Essex - Tagged irish , bar , knickers , boots - Current Score: 63 - Added: 10 months ago
| I was driving on the motorway last week when I noticed a sign that said "Turnoff - 500 metres". Sure enough, 500 metres later, on the side of the road was my Granny with no knickers, lifting up her dress. | |
Joke by poosmellsyucky, in Jokes with no home > Grandma - Tagged granny , knickers , turnoff - Current Score: 62 - Added: 6 months ago
| A Young man called Ron wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived a considerable distance away. He consulted with his sister and decided after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note, not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods ladies dept and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Ron got the knickers. Good old Ron sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter: Dear Kate, I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on our next date. All my love Ron. P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing. | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Jokes with no home > Gloves - Tagged letter , knickers , wrapping , purchase - Current Score: 50 - Added: 11 months ago
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