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| Trick or treat? Treat: you can suck my knob. Trick: turn around and I'll make it disappear. |    |
Joke by haha@you, in Jokes with no home > trick or treat - Tagged trick , treat , halloween , knob - Current Score: 1611 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| Billy Connely What Pisses me off......... ONE People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? TWO People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. THREE When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fuckin right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? FOUR When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? FIVE When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No tosser, I paid 10 bucks to come to the movies and stare at the fuckin floor. SIX People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine? SEVEN When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. EIGHT When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fuckin does!! What can you do that's longer? NINE When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead? TEN People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, ELEVEN When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate. TWELVE People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need. THIRTEEN McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks..........Well, I'll get a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fuckin McTosser. FOURTEEN When you involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off FIFTEEN When people say 'can I borrow a piece of paper i'll pay you back' It's one god damn piece of paper you fucking retards i don't want it back | |
Joke by knuffles, in Jokes with no home > Random - Tagged billy connolly , mcdonalds , paper , funny , fuck , toliet , image , revolting , eat , knob , new , improved , tosser , swearing , arse - Current Score: 72 - Added: 9 months, 13 days ago
| I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for a woman, I got my knob stuck in the neck of the bottle. | |
Joke by BruceWillis, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged knob , bottle , substitute , woman , alcohol - Current Score: 46 - Added: 6 months, 5 days ago
| My husband complained our sex life was stale and needed spicing up a bit... apparently cutting up chillis and rubbing them on his knob-end wasn't what he had in mind. | |
Joke by lovelace, in Sex and shit > Kinky - Tagged sex , knob , cock , hot - Current Score: 13 - Added: 2 months, 17 days ago
| I was kicked off Ready, Steady, Cook. I misinterpreted the instruction "a knob of butter". | |
Joke by nufcdude, in Sex and shit > Ready, Steady, Cook - Tagged knob , butter - Current Score: 12 - Added: 2 months, 2 days ago
| A young man with a particularly small penis takes his girlfriend to bed for the first time. Embarrassed by his lack of knob, he insists on turning the light out. In the darkness, he puts his erection into her hand and is understandably hurt when she says, ''No thanks, I don't smoke.'' | |
Joke by big rick, in Sex and shit > Erections - Tagged cock , penis , small , small penis , dick , knob , boyfriend , girlfriend , sex - Current Score: 10 - Added: 1 month, 27 days ago
| Mary,a shy virgin was discussing her worries about her up-coming marriage to paddy,with the parish priest. "He dropped his trousers last night Father,he has a thing between his legs that I never saw the likes of before". "Sure thats only his penis Mary". "But father there's a purple knob on it". "Thats just the head of the penis Mary". "Yeah but then Father about 16 inches back from the purple knob there's 2 big round things.What are they Father?" "Well for your sake Mary, I hope they're the cheeks of his arse." | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged marriage , parish priest , knob , arse , penis - Current Score: 9 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dictator. | |
Joke by lordofthemanor, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged knob , spud - Current Score: 3 - Added: 2 months, 19 days ago
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