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| Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me, give me the drugs" She turns to her boyfriend and says "You did this to me you fucker" He replies casually "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse but you said fuck off it'll be too painful" |    |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged anal , drugs , lady , labour , pregnant , pain - Current Score: 1048 - Added: 5 months, 11 days ago
| I'm a true gentleman in the bedroom: Women and children first. | |
Joke by tom the storyteller, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged paedo , paedophilia , paedophile , gentleman , ladies first , lady , bedroom , polite , politeness - Current Score: 144 - Added: 1 month, 17 days ago
| A bloke approaches a lady in a bar. "Hi There! What's you're name?" "Barbara." "Hey Barbara! With those looks and that accent... you can only be an American." "No! I've Down's Syndrome." | |
Joke by Lemon, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged american , lady - Current Score: 64 - Added: 10 months ago
| Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this: A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. 'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked. 'No, I don't,' she replied. 'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.' She didn't crack a smile.'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. 'What's so funny?' he asked 'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!' Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working! | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > Old - Tagged old , lady , dentist , condoms , latex , gloves , ladies - Current Score: 51 - Added: 5 months, 19 days ago
| A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day. Carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!) The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. "Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see...... The president did. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged old , lady , balls , bank , canada , lawyer - Current Score: 49 - Added: 5 months ago
| The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. 'He's a funeral director,' she answered. 'Interesting,' the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers. She smiled and explained, 'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.' | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Marriage - Tagged preacker , ringmaster , funeral , director , banker , husband , old , lady , marriage - Current Score: 42 - Added: 5 months, 22 days ago
| A rather posh lady went shopping down the local market. She stopped at the fruit stall and asked; "Where are those apples from?" "Zimbabwe, madam." Came the reply. "Oh good heavens! I couldn't buy from Zimbabwe, I do have principles." "Don't blame you love," said the man. "All those dirty little black hands mauling 'em!" | |
Joke by Boogaloo, in Celebrity and news events > Zimbabwe - Tagged blacks , zimbabwe , market , lady , fruit , shopping - Current Score: 39 - Added: 2 months, 11 days ago
| A lady walks into a high class jewellery shop. She browses around and spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little "accident", she asks "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?" Copy Cat He answers," Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price." | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Jokes with no home > Fart - Tagged lady , jewellery , diamond , fart , salesman , madam , accident , shit - Current Score: 38 - Added: 10 months ago
| this old couple are walking around a car boot sale , when they notice on a stall-an offer of 5 toilet brushes for a fiver, both impressed they buy the toilet brushes, the following week the old lady is again on the car boot-and she passes the same stall when the owner says "How are you getting on with those toilet brushes?" and the little old dear says " Well i'm persevering , but the old man's gone back to paper" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Jokes with no home > Pensioners - Tagged toilet brush , lady , car boot , sale , paper - Current Score: 34 - Added: 11 months ago
| I took the Wife out earlier. One punch! | |
Joke by guitar678, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged wife , woman , punch , lady , female - Current Score: 26 - Added: 4 months, 21 days ago
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