Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Page 1 of 2 - Next Page
| Glasgow airport bar have a drinks deal. Two pints of lager, an Asian guy soaked in petrol and a box of matches. It's called "Two Pints of Lager and a Paki to Crisp". |    |
Joke by pornstar, in Celebrity and news events > Glasgow Airport - Tagged glasgow , crisp , lager - Current Score: 272 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| This American bloke goes into a pub in Southern England. He gets himself a pint and then he challenges anybody to a game of pool and he beats everyone. The barman says, "you're good, but Smiffy will have you." Then he challenges anybody to a game of darts and he beats everybody at that as well. The barman says, "you're very good, but Smiffy will have you." Poker is the next challenge, and once again he beats every person he plays. The barman says, "you're fucking good, but Smiffy will have you." With this, the American chap says, "who the fuck is Smiffy?" The barman points to a little elderly man wearing a flat cap, sitting at a table in the corner of the pub. He walks over to the table and the old guy stands up, then flicks a beer mat up in the air, drinks a pint of lager, lights a fag, pulls his trousers down and catches the beer mat right in the crack of his arse and says, "can you do that?" The American flicks the beer mat up in air, drinks a pint of lager, lights a fag, pulls his trousers down........and Smiffy fuckin' had him! | |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged snithy , beer mat , pint , lager , fag , pub , crack , american , poker - Current Score: 132 - Added: 5 months, 21 days ago
| Financial Advice in these dark times. If you had purchased $1000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago, it would now be worth $4.95. With HBOS, earlier this week, your $1000 would have been worth $16.50. $1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than $5. But if you bought $1000 worth of Tennents Lager one year ago, drank it all, then took the empty cans to an aluminum recycling plant, you would get $214. So, based on the above statistics, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. | |
Joke by monkeyman, in Celebrity and news events > Credit Crunch - Tagged credit crunch , shares , drink , drunk , lager , beer , xl , banks , money , halifax , hbos - Current Score: 77 - Added: 2 months, 13 days ago
| A couple realise they are spending too much and decide to go through the bills together. "Look at this", demands the wife, "£30 on lager". Husband replies, "Well, what about this? £30 on make up?" The wife looks at him with a smile and says, "Darling I have to have the make up so I can look young and attractive for you." The husband shouts back, "That's what the fucking lager was for!" | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged husband , bills , lager , make up - Current Score: 69 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Drinking alcohol free lager is like licking out your sister.... It tastes the same, but its not quite right. Now is the time of night our American friends are up so prepare for this to be voted down swiftly | |
Joke by sega20, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged lager , drinking , incest , sister - Current Score: 63 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| When I was a kid, on Christmas morning my parents used to get the whole family around the piano and my father would stand up with a can of lager and say, "it's a pity no fucker can play it." | |
Joke by garrygwizz, in Jokes with no home > xmas - Tagged xmas , lager , piano , dad , happy - Current Score: 53 - Added: 1 month, 25 days ago
| A man walks into a pub does a triple back flip onto a chair then cartwheels over to the bar and orders a pint of bitter. A guy standing at the bar says to the barman " Wow that was unusual " Barman replies " I thought that too, he usually drinks lager ! " | |
Joke by nattyp, in Jokes with no home > Alcohol - Tagged beer , lager , barman - Current Score: 34 - Added: 7 months, 6 days ago
| Carlsberg don't do lager. If they did, it probably wouldn't taste like the filthiest tramp's piss in the world. | |
Joke by bleary, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged carlsberg , lager , tramps piss - Current Score: 34 - Added: 5 months, 12 days ago
| My local Asian shopkeeper is great. We often do each other small favours. He gives me the odd four pack of lager or a pack of fags for free. And in return I don't petrol bomb his shop. | |
Joke by justincider, in Religion and racism > Asian - Tagged shopkeeper , favour , lager , fags , petrol , bomb - Current Score: 31 - Added: 2 months, 3 days ago
| This postman was delivering mail in Dublin when a woman appeared at the door in her nightdress. ' Come upstairs 'she said 'and make love to me. ' After he had obliged the woman said ' here's a can of Lager and two pound coins for you ' The postie took them and said ' what's all this for ?' The woman said " you can thank my husband for this , I suggested giving you 20 pounds for your Christmas tip but my husband said "fuck him , give him a can of beer and 2 quid !" | |
Joke by mickle, in Jokes with no home > Christmas - Tagged postman , dublin , lager , tip - Current Score: 30 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
Page 1 of 2 - Next Page
Custurd spent 0.09ms doing 12 queries and 0.03s processing. She's 0.33% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel