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| We are always told we should look after and keep an eye on our old neighbours. Why the fuck should we? My 87 year old neighbour is such a lazy bitch, she hasn't even taken her newspapers in for two weeks. |    |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged caring , lazy , bitch , neighbour - Current Score: 685 - Added: 11 months ago
| A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only £20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions). The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully." The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do: 1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume. 3. Slip into a very sexy teddy. 4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place. She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store. The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there." The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!" | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Sex and shit > General - Tagged frog , sex , pet shop , lazy , lesson , shower , teaching - Current Score: 154 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing. | |
Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged meditation , sitting , around , lazy - Current Score: 125 - Added: 11 months ago
| A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the check-up was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor said, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged doctor , lazy , women , checkup , medical - Current Score: 58 - Added: 3 months, 25 days ago
| My wife, bless her, is carrying our first child. He's eight-years-old and he's a lazy little cunt. | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Families - Tagged cunt , lazy , child , carry - Current Score: 28 - Added: 11 months ago
| To the earlier posters who said things like, "It's almost 5 AM in America, so we have to get the good jokes out before those fat lazy Americans wake up and start voting them down." I say don't worry, because we Americans don't have to get up because none of us have jobs to go to because of our shitty fucking economy! | |
Joke by Cleveland, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged america , fat , lazy , unemployed , jobless - Current Score: 17 - Added: 1 month ago
| My hubby had a lazy eye... Didn't take long for it to spread to the rest of his body. | |
Joke by lovelace, in Illness and mortality > Laziness - Tagged lazy , lazy eye , husband , wife , partner , marraige - Current Score: 17 - Added: 1 week ago
| My dog's so lazy he won't even bark, he waits for another to bark and then nods. | |
Joke by haydeng, in Jokes with no home > Dog - Tagged lazy , dog - Current Score: 16 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| The missus reckons I'm a lazy cunt and I can't be arsed to finish anyth | |
Joke by discostu, in Jokes with no home > Wife - Tagged lazy - Current Score: 8 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| My Scouser cousin told me he's been working every hour god sends lately. Now I can see why he's an atheist | |
Joke by NapalmRoger, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged scouser , lazy , god , atheist - Current Score: 5 - Added: 3 weeks ago
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