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| I was in the pub last night when the barman asked me, "How come I never see you in here with Pete any more?" I asked him, "Would you drink with a bloke who's a liar, always late, borrows money he never pays back, always tries to squirm out of his round, jealous of everything you have, and when your back is turned he tries to fuck your wife and daughter?" "Bloody hell! No!" he said, somewhat flabbergasted. "Well, neither would Pete," I added. |    |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Drinking Jokes - Tagged liar , wife , daughter , drink , jealous , borrows - Current Score: 465 - Added: 1 month ago
| "That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley." "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!" | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , sister , liar , sex , no - Current Score: 107 - Added: 9 months, 27 days ago
| A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever >> sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk whenI was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running." "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in." "I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. "Ten dollars," the guy says. "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" "Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff." | |
Joke by JamesRose, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged dog , liar , spy - Current Score: 47 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| What do you call a chav with two GCSEs? A liar. | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Jehovahs Witness - Tagged chav , exam , liar - Current Score: 34 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A young lad was kicking a coke can down the street shouting "fucking great goal rooney" bollocks owen missed again" etc, a priest passing by overheard the bad laguage and stopped the lad ,he said "please stop your swearing son", the boy said "why,what's wrong with it ,nobody can hear me", the priest said "that's where you're wrong son, god can hear you,"so where is god then",asked the boy, the priest replied "god is everywhere", what "said the lad you mean to say god is in my house?",yes was the reply, "and god is in our garage"? absolutely", the lad scratched his head and said" so god is even in my dad's car"? ,yes said the priest ,he is," the lad paused for a moment and then said" you fucking liar, my dad hasn't got a fucking car". | |
Joke by GIZZARD, in Jokes with no home > Kids - Tagged boy , car , priest , god , rooney , owen , liar - Current Score: 18 - Added: 8 months ago
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