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| The school phoned me today and said, "your son's been telling lies" I said, "well tell him he's bloody good - I ain't got any kids!" |    |
Joke by Aspen, in Jokes with no home > School - Tagged school , son , lies , lying - Current Score: 392 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over two hours late. Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home? asked John. Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project, said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. Son, said John, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school. We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie. said Tommy. What did you watch? asked Marsha. The Ten Commandments. answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen. I am ashamed of you son, said John. When I was your age, I never lied to my parents. The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son! With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and slapped her three times. | |
Joke by baldlice, in Sex and shit > Divorce - Tagged sex , gadget , infidelity , lies - Current Score: 19 - Added: 5 months ago
| Nine words women use... 1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. 4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! 5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement Often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.) 6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a wom a n can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. 8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU! 9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3. | |
Joke by ffc2004, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged women , lies - Current Score: 11 - Added: 5 months ago
| What are the three greatest lies? A) The cheque`s in the post. B) Black is beautiful C) I won't cum in your mouth. | |
Joke by Lovelace, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged lies , black , cum - Current Score: 3 - Added: 1 year ago
| I cannot believe that I got suckered in by that lying sack of shit on The X Factor who made up a whole sob story about never meeting his biological parents.How could somebody make up a story like that just for a bit of sympathy? I hope they throw the little fucker out and give his place to that nice little girl who lost her whole family in the Holocaust. | |
Joke by bleary, in Celebrity and news events > X-factor - Tagged alan turner , simon cowell , lies , holocaust , who watches this fucking rubbish anyway - Current Score: 3 - Added: 2 months, 26 days ago
Pinafal got buried to -8. Reveal Joke
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