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| A man goes in to his doctors surgery and asks, "Doctor, do you think I will live until I'm 100?" The doctor asks, "Do you drink, smoke or do drugs?" The man replies, "No". The doctor then asks, "Do you like to sleep around with women, and go out partying?" The man replies, "No, I don't." The doctor then asks, "Well, why the fuck do you want to live until you're 100 then?" |    |
Joke by The Wolf, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged blowjob , doctor , life , live , smoke , drugs , beer , shit life - Current Score: 141 - Added: 7 months ago
| My father strongly believes that you should live every day like it is your last. That is why for the past 17 years he has been in the intensive care unit with an oxygen mask and a tube up his arse. | |
Joke by charlieeee, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged intensive , care , arse , dad , live , last , viz - Current Score: 104 - Added: 6 months ago
| What does the sign say above the nursery in a Muslim maternity ward? "Live ammunition." | |
Joke by caliban, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged muslim , islam , terrorist , terrorism , maternity , baby , babies , sign , live , ammunition , nursery - Current Score: 78 - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago
| Isn't it a bit obvious when your enemy sends a threat letter to your house saying, "I know where you live". | |
Joke by Nayim, in Jokes with no home > Threat - Tagged threat , letter , live , enemy , retarded , ironic - Current Score: 42 - Added: 3 months ago
| Hit me at 30, and there's an 80% chance I'll live. Hit me at 40 and there's an 80% chance I'll die. Please hit me at 50 where there is a 100% chance I'll be rid of these fucking annoying adverts! | |
Joke by lawtom, in Illness and mortality > Car Crash - Tagged live , die , hit , fucking , adverts - Current Score: 31 - Added: 3 months ago
| If, as i have often read, it is possible to drown in an inch of water, why not just drink it and live? | |
Joke by goonerphil, in Illness and mortality > Drowning - Tagged drown , drink , live , stupid - Current Score: 20 - Added: 1 month ago
| It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. duplicunt | |
Joke by sequerahv.04, in Sex and shit > 69 - Tagged married , men , live , single - Current Score: 19 - Added: 10 months ago
| Has anybody noticed that the more stupid a cunt is, the more likely they are to copy their material from Live at the Apollo? | |
Joke by depauw, in Jokes with no home > Television - Tagged duplicate , copy , steal , take , theft , robbery , joke , live , stand up , bbc - Current Score: 14 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| Hit me at 30, and there's an 80% chance I'll live. Hit me at 40 and there's an 80% chance I'll die. Hit me at 50 and there's an 80% chance my dismembered head will be in the front garden at the end of the road. | |
Joke by norrth6, in Illness and mortality > Car Crash - Tagged chance , live , die , hit - Current Score: 13 - Added: 3 months ago
| Doctor: "I'm sorry to have to inform you that you've only got about 3 minutes to live." Me: "What - oh shit - 3 minutes - wait - isn't there anything you can do for me Doc?" Doctor: "Hmmm - I might be able to boil you an egg." | |
Joke by spish, in Illness and mortality > Diagnosis - Tagged 3 minutes , live , boil , egg - Current Score: 7 - Added: 5 months ago
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