Tag: liverpool - Sickipedia

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A Scouser inadvertently goes into a gay bar for a beer. He sits at the bar supping his pint when one gay gentleman decides to chance his luck. He approaches the Scouser and whispers something into his ear, whereupon the Liverpudlian turns around in complete disgust and horror and proceeds to punch the living fuck out of the homosexual, fist after fist punching him out the door, kicking him across the pub car park, relentlessly punching and kicking until the victim lay comatose. The Scouser then dusted himself down and calmly returned to his pint at the bar, whilst the horrified staff and client'le stood silent and motionless.

Eventually, the barman plucks up the courage to ask what had happened:

Barman: "Bloody hell mate. What on earth did he whisper to you?"

Scouser: "Dunno, but it was something about a 'job'."

Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged scouser , homosexual , fight , gay , bar , wanker , liverpool - Current Score: 339 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago

Liverpool airport has been shut for the past 8 hours due to a "suspicious car". Apparently it had tax, insurance and the radio was still in it.

Joke by hangman, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged uk , terror , attacks , bomb , liverpool , suspicious , tax , car - Current Score: 266 - Added: 1 year ago

Dave the Scouser is touring the USA. Along the way, he stops off at a remote bar in the Nevada desert and chats to the bartender when he spots a Red Indian in full tribal dress seated in the corner of the bar.

"Blimey!" remarks Dave. "Who's he?"

"Gee, that's the memory man," replies the bartender. "He knows everything there is to know. Got a memory like an elephant, he can remember any fact. Heck, go and try him out!"

Dave heads over to the Red Indian, thinking that he can outsmart him with a question about English football.

He asks the memory man, "Who won the 1965 FA cup final?"

"Liverpool," came the instantaneous reply.

Dave was stunned. He tried again asking, "Who did they beat?"

"Leeds," replied the memory man.

Dave tried once more asking, "What was the final score?"

The wise Red Indian didn't hesitate in answering, "2-1."

Dave thinks he'll get smart, asking the memory man for the name of the winning goal scorer. Without so much as blinking, the Red Indian says, "Ian St John."

Dave is stunned and returns home to Liverpool, where he tells everyone about the Red Indian. Dave's curiosity lingers, and he vows to return to American and pay his respects to the Indian. Ten years later, Dave finally saved up enough money to return and, after weeks of searching the Nevada desert, once more he finds the Red Indian, now in a cave.

Humbled by the Red Indian, Dave steps forward, bows, and greets the brave in his traditional tongue.

"How," Dave says.

The memory man squints at him and replies, "A diving header in the six-yard box."

Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged liverpool , nevada , desert , indian , red , memory , 2-1 , dave - Current Score: 228 - Added: 5 months ago

I can't fucking stand Mark Lawrenson. If I want someone to constantly interrupt my enjoyment of the football with pointless, witless, ill-informed shite then I'll get a girlfriend.

Joke by erniehill, in Sex and shit > Women - Tagged football , girlfriend , liverpool , euro 2008 , germany , spain , german , spanish - Current Score: 204 - Added: 3 weeks ago

Infant school teacher in Toxteth asks the class who supports Liverpool. All the kids put their hands up except little Billy. Teacher asks who he supports and Billy says, 'Stoke' Teacher asks why and Billy says 'My parents both come from there and support them so I do too' Teacher says 'You don't have to do copy your parents - what would you do if your Mum was a prostitute and your Dad was a burglar?' Billy said 'I'd support Liverpool like the rest of you cunts.'

Joke by fuckingliability, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged football , liverpool , stoke - Current Score: 145 - Added: 3 months ago

Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?

Because if it walked, it'd get mugged.

Joke by Spiral, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged liverpool , crime , chavs - Current Score: 144 - Added: 1 year ago

Ferrari's Formula 1 team manager decided to employ some Liverpudlian teenagers as their pit crew. This was because of their renowned skill at removing car wheels quickly. At the first practice session, not only did they change all 4 wheels in 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged & sold the fucker to the McLaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed & some pictures of David Coulthard's bird getting shagged up the arse.

Joke by chelsea_steve, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged scousers , formula 1 , sport , liverpool , ferrari , mclaren , car , car thieves - Current Score: 132 - Added: 1 year ago

Just bought a Liverpool FC advent calendar. Fucking typical, all the windows are boarded up and some cunts nicked all the fucking chocolate.

Joke by phantom88, in Jokes with no home > Football - Tagged liverpool , advent , calendar - Current Score: 117 - Added: 7 months ago

What's the difference between a cow and a tragedy?

A scouser wouldn't know how to milk a cow.

Joke by TGS, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged scousers , liverpool , tragedy , cow - Current Score: 113 - Added: 9 months ago

Gillian Gibbons has said that her original 15 day prison sentence seemed harsh at the time, but to be released and deported to Liverpool was "totally fucking undeserved!".

Joke by chelsea_steve, in Celebrity and news events > Gillian Gibbons - Tagged gillian gibbons , teddy , bear , scousers , scouse , liverpool , sudan , muslim , mohammed - Current Score: 98 - Added: 7 months ago

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