Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Page 1 of 11 - Next Page
| A Scouser inadvertently goes into a gay bar for a beer. He sits at the bar supping his pint when one gay gentleman decides to chance his luck. He approaches the scouser and whispers something into his ear, whereupon the Liverpudlian turns around in complete disgust and horror and proceeds to punch the living fuck out of the homosexual, fist after fist punching him out the door, kicking him across the pub car park, relentlessly punching and kicking until the victim lay comatose. The Scouser then dusted himself down and calmly returned to his pint at the bar, whilst the horrified staff and clientele stood silent and motionless. Eventually, the barman plucks up the courage to ask what had happened: Barman: "Bloody hell mate. What on earth did he whisper to you?" Scouser: "Dunno, something about a 'job'." |    |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged scouser , homosexual , fight , gay , bar , wanker , liverpool , job , work , gay bar , punch , kick , punched , kicked - Current Score: 420 - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago
| I've just read joke 57704 on Sickipedia by The Wolf: 'Muslim extremists commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins. I just go down the local primary school.' You obviously don't live in Liverpool then? | |
Joke by staffer, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged muslim , virgin , paradise , joke , liverpool - Current Score: 349 - Added: 3 months ago
| Liverpool airport has been shut for the past 8 hours due to a "Suspicious car". Apparently it had tax, insurance and the radio was still in it. | |
Joke by hangman, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged uk , terror , attacks , bomb , liverpool , suspicious , tax , car - Current Score: 344 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Dave the Scouser is touring the USA. Along the way, he stops off at a remote bar in the Nevada desert and chats to the bartender when he spots a Red Indian in full tribal dress seated in the corner of the bar. "Blimey!" remarks Dave. "Who's he?" "Gee, that's the memory man," replies the bartender. "He knows everything there is to know. Got a memory like an elephant, he can remember any fact. Heck, go and try him out!" Dave heads over to the Red Indian, thinking that he can outsmart him with a question about English football. He asks the memory man, "Who won the 1965 FA cup final?" "Liverpool," came the instantaneous reply. Dave was stunned. He tried again asking, "Who did they beat?" "Leeds," replied the memory man. Dave tried once more asking, "What was the final score?" The wise Red Indian didn't hesitate in answering, "2-1." Dave thinks he'll get smart, asking the memory man for the name of the winning goal scorer. Without so much as blinking, the Red Indian says, "Ian St John." Dave is stunned and returns home to Liverpool, where he tells everyone about the Red Indian. Dave's curiosity lingers, and he vows to return to American and pay his respects to the Indian. Ten years later, Dave finally saved up enough money to return and, after weeks of searching the Nevada desert, once more he finds the Red Indian, now in a cave. Humbled by the Red Indian, Dave steps forward, bows, and greets the brave in his traditional tongue. "How," Dave says. The memory man squints at him and replies, "A diving header in the six-yard box." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged liverpool , nevada , desert , indian , red , memory , 2-1 , dave - Current Score: 277 - Added: 11 months ago
| I can't fucking stand Mark Lawrenson. If I want someone to constantly interrupt my enjoyment of the football with pointless, witless, ill-informed shite then I'll get a girlfriend. | |
Joke by erniehill, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged football , girlfriend , liverpool , match of the day , nonce , ponce , shit clothes - Current Score: 270 - Added: 7 months ago
| Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool? Because if it walked, it'd get mugged. | |
Joke by Spiral, in Religion and racism > Liverpudlians - Tagged liverpool , crime , chavs - Current Score: 195 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Ferrari's Formula 1 team manager decided to employ some Liverpudlian teenagers as their pit crew. This was because of their renowned skill at removing car wheels quickly. At the first practice session, not only did they change all 4 wheels in 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged & sold the fucker to the McLaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed & some pictures of David Coulthard's bird getting shagged up the arse. | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Religion and racism > Liverpudlians - Tagged scousers , formula 1 , sport , liverpool , ferrari , f1 , car , car thieves , f1 mclaren - Current Score: 183 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| The following is an actual question given on a University of Liverpool chemistry final exam. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting “Oh God please somebody help me!” THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”. | |
Joke by bogies, in Religion and racism > Hell - Tagged liverpool , student , answer , sandra , god - Current Score: 181 - Added: 4 months ago
| Just bought a Liverpool FC advent calendar. Fucking typical, all the windows are boarded up and some cunts nicked all the fucking chocolate. | |
Joke by phantom88, in Jokes with no home > Football - Tagged liverpool , advent , calendar - Current Score: 174 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Rafa Benitez flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football and is impressed and arranges for him to come over to England. Two weeks later Liverpool are 2-0 down to Chealsea with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation - he scores a hatrick in 20 minutes and wins the game for the reds! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. "Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 2-0 down but I scored 3 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me. It's wonderful!" "Wonderful?! " says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. "Your father got shot and robbed in the street, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother was beheaded by masked men, all while you were having such a wonderful time." The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry." "Sorry?!! Sorry?!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place!" | |
Joke by ht, in Jokes with no home > Football - Tagged iraq , football , rafa , liverpool , liverpool fc , scousers - Current Score: 170 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
Page 1 of 11 - Next Page
Custurd spent 0.05ms doing 12 queries and 0.12s processing. She's 2.82% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel