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| A lorry carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed on the M1 yesterday, shedding it's load across the carriageway. Onlookers are said to be stunned, bewildered, dumbfounded, astonished, shocked, flabbergasted, startled, speechless and amazed. |    |
Joke by bennycmufc, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged lorry , crash , thesaurus , m1 , shocked , words - Current Score: 222 - Added: 10 months ago
| A lorry has just overturned on the M6 loaded with Vicks vapour rub. Police have said there will be no congestion for eight hours. | |
Joke by cooperman, in Celebrity and news events > congestion - Tagged lorry , truck , crash , accident , vicks , rub , congestion , walking on the moon - Current Score: 201 - Added: 10 months ago
| A lorry driver was driving along a country road when he spotted a sign that read, 'Low Bridge Ahead'. Before he had realised, the bridge was directly ahead and though he optimistically ploughed on he got stuck, wedged underneath it, leaving cars backed up for miles. Finally a police car arrived on the scene, and the policeman walked up to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?" The lorry driver replied, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!" | |
Joke by trenchcoat, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged lorry , bridge , police , stuck - Current Score: 124 - Added: 10 months ago
| I was speeding down the motorway at 100mph in my lorry when a motorbike came up along side me. He looked at me...did a handstand on his bike, then tapped my window. "You haven't got a fag have you mate?" he said. "A fag....you're going to fucking kill yourself!" I shouted. "No......I only smoke 10 a day," he said. | |
Joke by garrygwizz, in Illness and mortality > fag - Tagged fag , lorry - Current Score: 24 - Added: 5 months ago
| I was being trained as a lorry driver recently, but just have not been getting the hang of it "You do it like this," said the guy showing me the ropes, "throttle throttle clutch throttle clutch throttle." "Right, I understand you now," I said. "Good," he said. "Now wrap her in a carpet and dump her in a layby." | |
Joke by lashley, in Jokes with no home > Viz Comic - Tagged layby , throttle , lorry - Current Score: 20 - Added: 1 month ago
| A lorry driver has been killed after a crash on the M40 which left lard spread across a motorway. Apparently he got sandwiched between two bread lorries. You should have seen the Jam Oh fuck it I need a lay down. | |
Joke by monkeyman, in Celebrity and news events > 9/11 - Tagged lard , crash , lorry , jam , car crash , dead - Current Score: 20 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| A lorry driver breaks down on the M6 with a cargo of live monkeys on board, bound for Chester Zoo. They need to be delivered by 9:00 am and the driver fears he will get the sack if they don't get there on time. He decides to try and thumb a lift for his monkeys and eventually an Irish lorry driver pulls over. "Where they going ?" asks the Irish chap. "Do us a favour mate and take these to Chester Zoo for me" says the driver, "and here's a hundred quid for your troubles." "Happy days," says the Irish fella, loads the monkeys onto his truck and gets on his way. The lorry driver goes about trying to fix his truck and is there for a good few hours when he notices the Irish fella coming back down the motorway, still with all the chimps on board. Panicking, he flags him down again. "What are you playing at," he fumes, "I told you to take them to Chester Zoo !" "I did," says the Irish fella, "but there is still fifty quid left so now we're going to Alton Towers." | |
Joke by mickle, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged lorry , zoo , monkey - Current Score: 17 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| I was just leaving the front door and was heading towards the gate this morning when a Pikey pulled up in his lorry and asked if I wanted the driveway re-tarmaced. I asked him how much and he told me he would do it for £600 if he could do it there and then. Now I know the tarmac alone would cost that much so obviously he was going to make a crap job or bump the price up by about a grand once he had finished. But even though I knew I shouldn't I told him he could do it. After all It's not my fucking house, I was just delivering the newspapers... | |
Joke by famous amos, in Religion and racism > Gypsy - Tagged tarmac , pikey , lorry - Current Score: 17 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| A Man is in work when he gets a phonecall from the hospital "Hello?" he says. The nurse at the other end says, "Hello sir, im nurse Julie. Today you r wife and son were involved in an accident, when a lorry mounted the pavement and ran them over" "Oh My God!" says the man, "il be right over" After spending hours in the waiting room, the doctor comes out of the operating room and says, "Sir, i have good news and bad news, which would you like first?" "Gimmie the bad news first doc.." "Okay, im very sorry to inform you that despite are graetest efforts, we could not save your son, and your wife will be brain damaged for the rest of her life" The man breaks down in tears and cries hysterically for a few minutes. when he pulls himself together, he says "how could there possibly be good news?" "Well" says the doctor "the paki the driver was trying to hit died instantly" | |
Joke by Ryan, in Illness and mortality > Dying - Tagged paki , lorry , death - Current Score: 0 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
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