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| Paddy and Murphy are in Iraq. Murphy accidentally steps on a landmine. After a big explosion, Murphy's left on the floor, screaming, "Paddy, Paddy, help me, I've lost me legs". Paddy looks and says, "you lying fucker,..... they're over there." |    |
Joke by edgarbriggs, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged lost , legs , iraq , landmine , quote from battle of goose green - Current Score: 121 - Added: 2 months ago
| I was booking in my luggage at Heathrow and said to the booking desk girl, "can you send one of my suitcases to Rome, one to Paris and one to Madrid please?" "I'm sorry sir, I'm afraid we can't do that," she replied. "Why not? You managed it last fucking year." | |
Joke by captain slow, in Jokes with no home > Airlines - Tagged airport , luggage , lost - Current Score: 115 - Added: 10 months ago
| A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not rung in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with a main computer, he phoned the employee's home number and was greeted with a child's whisper, 'Hello?' 'Is your Daddy home?' he asked. 'Yes', whispered the small voice. 'May I speak to him?' The child whispered 'No.' Surprised and wanting to talk to an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?' 'Yes.' 'Well may I speak to her, then?' Again the small voice whispered 'No.' Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?' 'Yes,' whispered the child, 'a policeman.' Wondering what the police would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak to the policeman?' 'No, he's busy,' whispered the child. 'Busy doing what?' 'Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman,' came the whispered reply. Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background coming down the phone, the boss asked 'What's that noise?' 'A helicopter', answered the whispering voice. 'What's going on there?' demanded the boss, now really apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, 'The search team has just landed a helicopter.' Alarmed, concerned, and a little frustrated, the boss asked 'What are they searching for?' Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... 'ME!' | |
Joke by Marylin, in Jokes with no home > Cute Kids Stories - Tagged child , children , dad , mum , kids , boss , police , firemen , lost - Current Score: 71 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Apparently the producers of Lost have found a new actor to cast in a leading role. It's Avram Grant. He has plenty of experience to bring to the role: Lost in the League Cup, Lost in the FA Cup, Lost in the Premier League, Lost in the Champions League and now Lost his job. | |
Joke by baldlice, in Celebrity and news events > Chelsea - Tagged chelsea , football , grant , avram grant , lost - Current Score: 44 - Added: 8 months ago
| I made the mistake of buying a running machine the other day.... Haven't seen it since. | |
Joke by smithy08, in Jokes with no home > Running machines - Tagged running machine , lost - Current Score: 26 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| I lost my heart to a girl from Liverpool. Is there nothing those scouse cunts won't nick? | |
Joke by justincider, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged lost , liverpool , girl , cunts , nick - Current Score: 21 - Added: 3 months ago
| Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their trolleys around B&Q when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, a nice peachy bottom and she's wearing tight white shorts." What does your wife look like?" The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours." | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged old , young , lost - Current Score: 18 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| I lost my mum last week. It was a crazy poker game. | |
Joke by Bazza2103, in Jokes with no home > Gambling - Tagged poker , mum , gambling , lost , crazy , mental - Current Score: 11 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| What do Maddie and Liverpool have in common? Both lost in Europe. | |
Joke by greenycrimson, in Celebrity and news events > Maddie - Tagged madeleine mccann , europe , liverpool , lfc , football , lost , maddie - Current Score: 10 - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago
| Lost star Daniel Dae Kim has been given a six month driving ban. But, if the ban's anything like the program, it will be more like six years. | |
Joke by max the storyteller, in Celebrity and news events > TV - Tagged lost , shit , tv - Current Score: 6 - Added: 4 months ago
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