Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Page 1 of 2 - Next Page
| A man says to his wife, "What would you say if I told you I'd won the lottery?" She says, "I'd take half and then leave you." "Excellent," the guy says. "I had three numbers come up and won a tenner. Here's a fiver... now fuck off!" |    |
Joke by RobBWFC, in Jokes with no home > Lottery - Tagged lottery , winning , fiver , tenner - Current Score: 209 - Added: 1 month ago
| An old man walks into the local Cathedral and says to the rector, "I would like to join this fucking church." The astonished man replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen, damn it. I said I want to join this fucking church!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." The rector leaves his desk and goes into the bishop's study to inform him of the situation. The Bishop agrees that the rector does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to his office and the Bishop asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 5 million quid on the fucking lottery and I want to join this fucking church to get rid of some of this fucking money." "I see," said the Bishop, "and is this cunt giving you a hard time?" | |
Joke by P45, in Jokes with no home > Money - Tagged money , lottery , bishop , cathedral - Current Score: 178 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A son from a poor family wins five million pounds on the lottery. He goes home and gives his dad five hundred quid. The old man looks at the cash and says, "thanks, son, this money will mean a lot to me. We've never had much in this family, we've always been poor. You know, I couldn't even afford to marry your mother." "What!" exclaims the son, "you mean I'm.......well.......a bastard?" "Yep," replies his dad, "and a fucking tight one, too." | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Lottery - Tagged bastard , marry , poor , million , lottery , tight - Current Score: 98 - Added: 3 months ago
| Forget winning the Lottery.I'm off to open a rope shop in Bridgend. | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Bridgend - Tagged bridgend , rope , lottery - Current Score: 84 - Added: 9 months ago
| What's black and white and shouts "fuck the pope"? A nun that's won the lottery! | |
Joke by scol77, in Religion and racism > Nuns - Tagged pope , lottery - Current Score: 69 - Added: 1 year ago
| An elderly Jewish couple win the lottery. Suddenly they have more money than they could have dreamt of. The wife asks the husband, "what are we going to do about the begging letters?" The husband thinks for a while and replies, "keep sending them out." | |
Joke by mrluxuryyacht, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged jews , money , lottery , begging - Current Score: 42 - Added: 4 months, 26 days ago
| Whenever I see a girl put her newly bought lottery ticket down her bra for safe keeping, I feel the urge to go for a lucky dip. | |
Joke by DDJ, in Sex and shit > Breasts - Tagged lottery , lucky dip , girl , bra , jimmy carr - Current Score: 42 - Added: 1 month ago
| A man comes running into his house "I'VE WON THE FUCKING LOTTERY!!" His wife is extatic, "OH MY GOD!! REALLY!?" "Yeah pack up some clothes honey" "Should I pack for cold or warm weather?" she asks him. "I don't care honey JUST FUCKING GET OUT!" | |
Joke by RENEGADEPSYCHO, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged win , lottery , dumped , won , pack , packing - Current Score: 29 - Added: 11 months ago
| The bloody Paki family down my road won the jackpot on the lottery last week. Being a generous bunch, they shared it out between their family. They got £4.28 each. | |
Joke by webby89, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged paki , lottery , share - Current Score: 23 - Added: 2 months, 25 days ago
| Me and the wife had a massive win on the lottery this weekend. We immediately thought of her mum and dad and thought it would be nice to buy their council house. As soon as they're evicted next week we're moving in! | |
Joke by ReigatePen, in Jokes with no home > Lottery - Tagged lottery - Current Score: 18 - Added: 6 months ago
Page 1 of 2 - Next Page
Custurd spent 0.06ms doing 12 queries and 0.09s processing. She's 2.70% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel