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| What's blue and fucks old ladies? Me in my lucky blue coat. |    |
Joke by waynster, in Sex and shit > Sick - Tagged coat , old people , blue , fuck , fucks , lucky , old - Current Score: 95 - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago
| I am one of the luckiest mother-fuckers alive... My mum is really fit. | |
Joke by smithy08, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged lucky , mother , fucker , fit - Current Score: 80 - Added: 1 week ago
| Men never get raped, they get lucky. | |
Joke by wycome5, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged rape , luck , men , lucky - Current Score: 26 - Added: 5 months ago
| It was my lucky day yesterday, I found £2,000,000 in a suitcase. Although it wasn't exactly hard to find, it was where my victim's parents said they'd left it | |
Joke by mookster, in Sex and shit > Kidnap - Tagged victim , kidnap , ransom , lucky - Current Score: 24 - Added: 4 months ago
| After going to the hospital for a routine checkup, a man is devastated when he finds out he has the rare deadly disease B55. The doctor tells him that he only has 1 week to live. After going home to come to terms with the news the man decides that he is not going to waste his last week alive so he and his wife go out to bingo. While he is there he decides to enter the prize draw game. First of all he gets 1 line and wins a car. Then he gets 2 lines and wins £10,000. Then he gets a full house and wins the holiday of a lifetime for two. At the end of the round the bingo caller comes up to him and said, "You must be the luckiest man in the world! You have just won a car, £10,000, and the holiday of a lifetime in just one game." "I'm not that lucky" replied the man. "I've got B55." The bingo callers face turns to shock and he says, "You lucky bastard! You've won the raffle as well!" | |
Joke by superhorse, in Illness and mortality > disease - Tagged b55 , disease , deadly , bingo , lucky - Current Score: 20 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| I was taking a walk along the street yesterday when I bought a copy of the Big Issue from a bloke. The bloke said, "Its my last copy mate". I said, "Lucky you! You'll get home early tonight then" | |
Joke by Yardley10, in Jokes with no home > Homeless - Tagged big , issue , lucky , home - Current Score: 18 - Added: 5 months ago
| I'm lucky, I can always count on my wife. She wears a lot of beads. | |
Joke by bawbag, in Jokes with no home > Wife - Tagged wife , beads , lucky - Current Score: 14 - Added: 4 months ago
| Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street, bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. "Are you gonna play golf," he asks, "or are you just gonna fuck around?" | |
Joke by joecorby, in Religion and racism > Jesus - Tagged jesus , golf , st peter , weird , lucky , slice , unbelievable , annoyed - Current Score: 13 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| I went out to the pub last night. I was working the room, moving from seat to seat, trying to get lucky. But I didn't find chewing gum under any of them. | |
Joke by bawbag, in Jokes with no home > Pub - Tagged pub , lucky , emo philips - Current Score: 9 - Added: 3 months ago
| Two teenagers go to the local shop, which is heaving. They queue for 10 minutes. When they get to the shopkeeper: - What can I get you young men? - he asks them in a friendly loud tone. - Could we have a box of rat poison, please? - There are loads, are there? - Yes. - Are they big? - Yeah most of them. - How big? - About this big. - Right, in that case this one will do. Do you know how to use it? - Yes. - You have to open the box here. Then you have to pull out the little bowl. Then you have to tear the side of the bowl. Do you know how to dose it? - Yes. - Put them down every 2 metres, where the rats are normally found, but make sure no other animal can have access to it. Do you know what to do with the left over? - Yes. - You put it in the bag, and burn it. Now you know everything, all right? Take care, boys. - Thank you. Goodbye. The guys leave the shop and one of them says to the other as they step onto the street. - Fucking hell, I'm really glad that we didn't ask for the condoms in the end. | |
Joke by dirt_on_my_shirt, in Sex and shit > Ratpoison - Tagged ratpoison , condoms , shopkeeper , teenagers , lucky - Current Score: 4 - Added: 2 months ago
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