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| One day as President Clinton was getting off the helicopter in front of the White House, he had a baby pig under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, salutes, and said: ''Nice pigs, sir.'' The President replied, ''These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea.'' The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, ''Nice trade, sir''' |    |
Joke by skimp, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged clinton , president , pigs , hillary , trade , marine , cunt - Current Score: 131 - Added: 5 months ago
| The American Marine Corps found they had too many officers and senior enlisted men. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. Those applying got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000. The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000. The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sargent Major who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my penis to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two officers had received. But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and instructed the Sargent Major to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of his penis and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?" The old Sargent Major calmly replied, "Vietnam". | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Celebrity and news events > American Marine - Tagged vietnam , america , senior , money , sargent , height , war , men , officer , bonus , medical , marine - Current Score: 82 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| The train was quite crowded, and the U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed middle-aged French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant." This time the Marine didn't say a word, he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor. Put this American in his place." An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window." | |
Joke by algorithm, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged war , french , marine , american , english - Current Score: 59 - Added: 7 months ago
| A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, "I should hope not ma'am, it's only 2130 now." | |
Joke by Sticky, in Jokes with no home > Military - Tagged sargeant , marine , sex - Current Score: 49 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
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