Tag: marriage - Sickipedia

Browsing tag: marriage
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My marriage counsellor said I needed to be more spontaneous.

So I raped her.

Joke by Mister Funny, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged rape , marriage , her - Current Score: 458 - Added: 3 weeks ago

What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?

The bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, then goes to bed. The married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

Joke by mamma mia, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged bachelor , marriage , sex , refrigerator - Current Score: 280 - Added: 1 month ago

While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, my wife and I listened to the instructor declare, 'it is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.'

He addressed the men: 'can you each name and describe your wife's favourite flower?'

I leaned over, touched my wife's arm gently and whispered, 'self-raising, isn't it?'

Joke by gi88er, in Jokes with no home > Marriage - Tagged marriage , flower , flour - Current Score: 252 - Added: 1 month, 26 days ago

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "a billionaire".

Joke by mamma mia, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged woman , millionaire , billionaire , marriage - Current Score: 229 - Added: 1 month, 24 days ago

A newly-married couple show up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite.
"Do you have reservations?" inquires the receptionist.
"Only one," replies the groom, "she won't take it up the arse."

Joke by kitkat456, in Sex and shit > Anal - Tagged marriage , married , reservation , honeymoon , hotel - Current Score: 213 - Added: 11 months ago

When I first took her out, she looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to dance, she looked at me, giggled and smiled. When we first made love, she looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to marry me, she looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her if she enjoyed our first wedding anniversary celebrations, she looked at me, giggled and smiled. That's when it finally dawned on me that she was mentally handicapped.

Joke by mickle, in Illness and mortality > Mental - Tagged handicapped , marriage , sex , retard , giggle , smile - Current Score: 191 - Added: 4 weeks ago

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought for a moment, and then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?"

Joke by buzz-lightyear, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged marriage , wedding , groom , bride - Current Score: 172 - Added: 2 months ago

Ted was a wealthy 70-year-old. He'd been a widower for years.

One day, Ted shows up at the yacht club bar with a stunning 25 year-old blonde. The woman has the body of a centerfold pin-up, and is in a very skimpy red dress. She has legs that just won't quit, and she hangs over Ted's arm full time, focused intently on every syllable he utters.

Naturally, his buddies at the club are stunned. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Ted, come on; where'd you get such a trophy babe for a girlfriend?!"

Ted replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"

Now they're completely knocked over.

They continue their questioning: "Alright, how'd you get her to marry you?! Tell us!"

"Well, I sorta lied about my age," Ted admits.

"Really? How old did you say you were? 50?"

Ted smiles and says, "Nope! I told her I was 90!"

Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Age - Tagged marriage , young , old , girlfriend , wife - Current Score: 149 - Added: 2 months ago

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me?"
The husband says, "WHAT?"
The wife says, "You must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a woman."
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store.

He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They go over and get matching shoes worth Â£200 each. Then they go to the Jewellery Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings.

The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, "But you don't even play tennis, but OK, if you like it then let's get it."

The wife is jumping up and down she's so excited, she cannot believe what is going on.

She says, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."
The husband says, "No - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while"
Her face gets really mad and she is about to explode and the husband says "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

Joke by ht, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged marriage , needs , revenge , husband , wife - Current Score: 142 - Added: 9 months ago

I had three girlfriends, but wasn't sure which one to marry. So I decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.

The first one went out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and comes back to my place and says, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." I was very touched and aroused, and we had lots of great sex.

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and brings them back to me as gifts. This sweet girl looked into my eyes and said, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." I watched my new television with great enjoyment!

The third one takes the $5000 and invested it in the stock market, doubled her investment, returns the original $5000 to me and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." She has enough to buy me a new boat.

I thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

Joke by NUFC, in Sex and shit > Women - Tagged marriage , women - Current Score: 137 - Added: 1 year ago

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