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| Boxing Day morning. Jesus is up early playing with his new myrrh. The wise men are making coffee. Mary and Joseph come downstairs, with Mary sporting a massive black eye. One of the wise men says, "Christ! What happened?" to which Joseph replies: "First shag I've had in six months and the bitch starts screaming her ex's name." |    |
Joke by tomrollock, in Religion and racism > Jesus - Tagged jesus christ , nativity , mary , joeseph - Current Score: 164 - Added: 1 week ago
| Ireland Declares War on France Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!" Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war." "Really? I am sorry to hear that Paddy," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there is no freakin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged ireland , war , france , chirac , guinness , jesus , mary , paddy - Current Score: 99 - Added: 9 months ago
| A prostitute has been found out and is just about to be stoned to death in the village square when Jesus shows up, waving his arms at them to stop. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone," he says. Suddenly there's a "wheeeeee, THUDD!!" and a large rock hits the prostitute on the head, splitting her head open and killing her instantly. Jesus says, "Mother, sometimes you really piss me off!" | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Christianity - Tagged jesus , mary , prostitute - Current Score: 76 - Added: 11 months ago
| So Mary says to Joseph, "an Angel of the Lord came down and lo, even though I am a virgin, I'm pregnant with the son of God" Proof that Rohypnol existed in biblical times. | |
Joke by baldlice, in Religion and racism > Jesus - Tagged rohypnol , mary , joseph , immaculate conception - Current Score: 73 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| Mary had a little snatch, a teeny tiny hole, Johnny couldn't fit it in, his massive manly pole. He greased her up squirmed and shoved, and pinched her little tit, but nothing seemed to work for him, the dam thing would not fit! So Mary drank a lot of wine, and smoked a little grass, and just as she was passing out, he shoved it up her ass! | |
Joke by Electrohouseman, in Jokes with no home > Bar Jokes - Tagged rhyme , mary , too tight - Current Score: 34 - Added: 3 months ago
| Mary had a little skirt with a slit right up both sides And everytime that Mary walked you could see her thighs Mary had another skirt with a slit right up the front......... She didnt wear that one as often | |
Joke by MikeLit, in Jokes with no home > Random - Tagged mary , skirt , slit - Current Score: 27 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed. Joseph said, "write that down, Mary - it's better than Dave!" | |
Joke by mickle, in Religion and racism > Jesus - Tagged jesus , child , mary - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white and wispy, then it got foot and mouth disease, and now its black and crispy. | |
Joke by Lupercal, in Celebrity and news events > foot and mouth - Tagged sheep , mary , foot and mouth , burn - Current Score: 14 - Added: 5 months ago
| Mary, Mary, Had a lamb. It was white and frisky, But then one day, It caught foot and mouth, Now it's black and crispy. | |
Joke by soph_ww, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged mary , lamb , foot and mouth. - Current Score: 4 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Mary had a little lamb she kept in a bucket every time the lamb would get out her dog would try to fuck it | |
Joke by betty swollox, in Jokes with no home > Nursery Rhymes - Tagged lamb , fuck , mary - Current Score: 0 - Added: 1 month ago
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