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| Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,"Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up Irish Whiskey" Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one." |    |
Joke by Token, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , meeting , parking , mass - Current Score: 91 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me" 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry," 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God. 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Religion and racism > Priest - Tagged priest , mass , vodka , monsignor - Current Score: 38 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A little altarboy is walking out the chapel door after mass. The priest calls after him, "see you later, alligator!" The altarboy shouts back, "in a while, Paedophile!" | |
Joke by BigJockKnew, in Religion and racism > Priest - Tagged kiddy fiddler , paedo , catholic , poof , fenian , cunt , chapel , mass , nonce - Current Score: 35 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| During his Visit to Sydney, the Pope chose Randwick Race Course to hold his Mass. I suppose it is the only place that you can legally ride 3 year olds. | |
Joke by slider1874, in Religion and racism > Pope - Tagged pope , mass , 3 , sydney , oz - Current Score: 15 - Added: 6 months ago
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