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Browsing tag: masturbate
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A psychology student is conducting a survey to study the masturbatory habits of males. She approaches the first man and says, "Excuse me, sir, I'm conducting a survey and would like to know, what do you hold in your left hand while you masturbate?"

To which the man replies, "A remote controller, for the DVD".

She then approaches the second man, with the same question. He answers, "I've got a magazine", and she notes down his answer.

She then approaches a third man and asks him what he holds while he masturbates, to which he answers, "A bar of soap".
Bemused by this, she asks why.
"I'm bathing the kids."
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Joke by caliban, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged paedophile , paedophilia , paedo , wank , masturbate , wanking , kids , kid , children , bath , bathing , soap , magazine , porn , hand , tv , dvd , remote , survey  - Current Score: 344 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago

A young couple had just had great sex. When they were finished, she looked in the box of condoms, but there were only six left out of twelve, so she asked him, "What happened to the other five condoms?"

His nervous reply was, "Er, I masturbated with them."

Later, she then approached one of her Male friends, told him the story, and then asked him, "Have you ever done that?"

"Yeah, once or twice," he said.

"You mean you've actually wanked with a condom before?" she asked.

"Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend."
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Joke by baldlice, in Sex and shit > Girlfriend - Tagged wank , masturbate , lie , girlfriend , condom  - Current Score: 267 - Added: 4 months ago

Scientists say that masturbation significantly decreases the chances of getting testicular cancer.

Yeah, like we need an excuse.
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Joke by Thornado, in Sex and shit > Masturbation - Tagged masturbate , masturbating , masturbation , cancer , testicle  - Current Score: 212 - Added: 1 week ago

What do you do if you come across a lost little girl at the bus stop?
Pull your pants up and run like fuck!
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Joke by gartnavel, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged paedo , paedophile , paedophilia , girl , little girl , come , cum , masturbation , masturbate  - Current Score: 145 - Added: 1 month ago

My wife has told me she's recently lost the urge to masturbate. She's just not feeling herself, lately.I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by mayfield4, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , masturbate , urge  - Current Score: 130 - Added: 4 months ago

90% of all men masturbate

The other 10% don't have arms.
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Joke by Dr. Pepper, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged wank , statistic , masturbate , men  - Current Score: 118 - Added: 3 months, 25 days ago

Early one morning, the Pope was having a nice shower, when he felt a certain tingle down there. Figuring that a little sin never did anyone any harm, he proceeds to have a quick wank. Just as he climaxes though, he here's a strange "click" noise. Quickly, he grabs a towel and exits the shower, and sees a paparazzo lens sticking through the bathroom window.

"You there!" He shouts. "You must give me that camera!"

"Are you kidding?" says the paparazzo. "I just got a photo of the Pope wanking! I'm rich"

"But my child," says the pope, "You could bring down the Church if people knew! Think of the chaos, the heartache!"

"Sorry pal, this pic is worth millions to me."

The pope sighs. "Very well, if I give you ten million euros will you give me the camera?"

The paparazzo thinks on this for a moment and agrees. So the Pope writes him a cheque, takes the camera and sends him on his way. Later, as he's sitting on his bed grumbling and trying to get the film out, a maid walks in.

"Oh, your Holiness," says the maid, "that's a very nice camera. How much did it cost you?"

"Ten million euros." grunts the Pope.

"Ten million euros? TEN MILLION EUROS?" They must have seen you coming!"
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Joke by RossMcG, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged pope , catholic , wank , masturbate , catholicism  - Current Score: 106 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago

My father used to say "this is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you."

Which I never understood,especially since whilst I was getting smacked, he was always masturbating....
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Joke by rs79, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged father , masturbate , spank  - Current Score: 89 - Added: 3 months ago

A Chelsea fan goes to the doctors and says "Doctor, every time I masturbate I can't help shouting 'come on Chelsea'!"

Doctor replies "Don't worry, a lot of wankers say that!"
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Joke by Joke, in Sex and shit > camping - Tagged chelsea , wank , doctor , masturbate  - Current Score: 74 - Added: 2 months, 30 days ago

Father O'Mally "God can see you when you masturbate!!"

Little Paddy "Does that mean HE's a paedophile too?"
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Joke by marley, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged paedophilia , father , masturbate , wank , little , paddy  - Current Score: 31 - Added: 3 months ago

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