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| My mate Dave is serving a life sentence for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe his fingerprints off the knife. |    |
Joke by justincider, in Jokes with no home > Prison - Tagged mate , murder , finger prints , knife , life , sentence - Current Score: 153 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried. "What's the matter?" I asked. "I've got the big C,"he said. "What, cancer?" "No, dyslexia." | |
Joke by warickhunt, in Illness and mortality > Dyslexia - Tagged mate , cancer , dyslexia , doctor - Current Score: 150 - Added: 5 months, 19 days ago
| My mate is addicted to brake fluid. But he reckons he can stop at any time. | |
Joke by mickle, in Illness and mortality > Addictions - Tagged mate , brakes , fluid - Current Score: 141 - Added: 2 months, 20 days ago
| A guy returns home from the Doctor. His mate asks, "Why are you looking so miserable?" The guy replies, "The doctor says I have to take one of these tablets every day for the rest of my life." His mate adds, "That's not too bad." The guy says, "It is - he's only given me four tablets." | |
Joke by kirbvinc, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged doctor , tablets , mate , guy - Current Score: 136 - Added: 3 months, 7 days ago
| I went to a funeral last week, but I'm never going there again. The music started playing, and me and my mate were the only ones dancing. | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Illness and mortality > Funeral - Tagged dancing , funeral , mate - Current Score: 113 - Added: 1 month, 8 days ago
| They say the dog is man's best friend. I don't believe that. How many of your friends have you neutered? | |
Joke by lovelace, in Jokes with no home > Friends - Tagged dog , neutered , mate , o - Current Score: 86 - Added: 2 months, 23 days ago
| Last week my mate was sent to prison for selling drugs. He got 6 years; one for the possession of the drugs,and five years for retailing using non-metric weights and measures. | |
Joke by mickle, in Jokes with no home > Drugs - Tagged mate , prison , jail , weights , measures , metric - Current Score: 78 - Added: 2 months, 13 days ago
| My mate got 5 years for falling asleep on the job. That sounds a bit harsh, but he was a burglar. | |
Joke by justincider, in Jokes with no home > Crime - Tagged mate , asleep , prison , burglar , harsh - Current Score: 77 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| Two married men are in a pub discussing their love life when one says, "Have you ever tried playing doctor?" His mate says, "No what's it like?" The man replies, "It's amazing me and my wife were playing for the whole of last night must of been about 10 hours." His mate, shocked says, "10 hours!? How the hell did you manage that long?" "I just left her in waiting room for 9 and a half hours." | |
Joke by maxmoore, in Sex and shit > Doctor - Tagged doctor , man , mate , wife , sex , role play , fucking shitty nhs - Current Score: 70 - Added: 3 months, 11 days ago
| Steve comes home from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He runs upstairs only to burst in and find his best mate pumping away with Steve's rather ugly wife. He looks at the pair in utter disgust before turning to his friend. "Honestly, Dave," he says. "I have to, but you?" | |
Joke by MelanieWhiplash, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged ugly wife , mate , shagging - Current Score: 70 - Added: 6 months, 19 days ago
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