Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Showing all jokes.
| My wife thinks I'm too nosey; At least, thats what she wrote in her diary and texted to all her mates. |    |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Wife - Tagged mates , nosey , diary , texted , wife - Current Score: 182 - Added: 5 months ago
| My girlfriend's been a bit poorly lately, so I thought that seeing her mates down the pub would cheer her up. On reflection, it probably would've been better if I'd taken her with me. | |
Joke by Aspen, in Jokes with no home > Girlfriend - Tagged girlfriend , sick , mates - Current Score: 144 - Added: 3 days ago
| A Paki was flying home to see his family. He went to the ticket office but found out he was a pound short for his ticket, so he went up to a guy and said, "excuse me please, I need one pound so I may go home to Pakistan." The guy gives him ten quid and says, "here you go, take nine of your mates with you." | |
Joke by kirbvinc, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged paki , airport , home , ticket , mates - Current Score: 57 - Added: 8 months ago
| One day while at his best mate house, Norris decides that he desperately needed a shag. 'Jim, I know I can ask you this because we are such good mates and all. I need a shag, can I shag your wife please?', said Norris. Jim thinks about it for a while and finally says, 'Because we are such good friends, Norris, yes you can. But be warned, do NOT go down on her. Understand?'. Norris nods and heads upstairs to where Jim's wife is tucked up in bed. He quickly went to work, but he was over come with an incredible sudden urge to go down on her. But he remembered what Jim had said and restrained himself. After finishing he went downstairs and watched a little more TV. An hour or so later, Norris said. 'Jim? Can I shag her again please?'. To which Jim replied 'OK, but remember, don't go down on her!!!'. Norris happily bounded up the stairs and into the bedroom pounced on Jims wife and was about to start shagging her when he decided he HAD to go down on her, he couldn't help himself. Meanwhile, Jim sat happily watching the TV heard Norris being sick upstairs followed by him running down the stairs looking decidedly ill. 'What's wrong Norris?' 'I'm sorry Jim, I know you told me not to, but I couldn't help myself.....' 'You went down on her didnt you Norris!!!!' said Jim looking horrified. 'I got a mouth full of rice!!!' said Norris disgusted! 'That wasn't rice Norris, she's been dead three weeks!!' | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Sex and shit > Necrophilia - Tagged shag , mates , going down , ill , rice , dead - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Being married is like being in the witness protection scheme. You get new clothes, a new home, a new hair cut and you're not allowed to see your old mates any more. | |
Joke by bawbag, in Jokes with no home > Marriage - Tagged marriage , mates - Current Score: 21 - Added: 3 months ago
| Two old fellas are walking down their local high street, discussing their funeral arrangements. "When I pop my clogs," One codger says wistfully, "I want someone to stand up in the church and say 'Fred was the best footballer never to have made it as a professional. He was also an incredible lover and an all-round great guy." "That sounds really nice," his mate replies. "At my funeral, I want someone to say, 'He's moving! He's moving! He's alive!" | |
Joke by andyf23, in Illness and mortality > Age - Tagged codger , mates , funeral - Current Score: -4 - Added: 1 month ago
GIZZARD got buried to -5. Reveal Joke
Showing all jokes.
Custurd spent 0.02ms doing 9 queries and 0.01s processing. She's 2.00% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel