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| Apparently clumsy people are more likely to be obese. That's because they keep walking into things.... Like McDonald's. |    |
Joke by ajtron, in Illness and mortality > Fat Cunt - Tagged mcdonalds , fat , clumsy , jimmy carr - Current Score: 244 - Added: 3 months ago
| I saw a sign in McDonald's today, it said 'we do not accept £50 notes'. Fuck me, if I had a £50 note, I wouldn't be eating in McDonald's. | |
Joke by baldlice, in Illness and mortality > McDonalds - Tagged mcdonalds , fast food - Current Score: 219 - Added: 3 months ago
| Kids today! My lad said earlier "Can we go to McDonald's?" I said "You can if you can spell it." He replied "Fuck it, can we go to KFC instead?" | |
Joke by ben dover, in Jokes with no home > Kids - Tagged kfc , kids , mcdonalds , food , children , spelling , education - Current Score: 191 - Added: 3 months ago
| What Pisses me off......... ONE People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? TWO People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. THREE When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fuckin right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? FOUR When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? FIVE When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No tosser, I paid 10 bucks to come to the movies and stare at the fuckin floor. SIX People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine? SEVEN When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. EIGHT When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fuckin does!! What can you do that's longer? NINE When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead? TEN People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, ELEVEN When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate. TWELVE People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need. THIRTEEN McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks..........Well, I'll get a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fuckin McTosser. FOURTEEN When you involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off FIFTEEN When people say 'can I borrow a piece of paper i'll pay you back' It's one god damn piece of paper you fucking retards i don't want it back | |
Joke by knuffles, in Jokes with no home > Random - Tagged billy connolly , mcdonalds , paper , funny , fuck , toliet , image , revolting , eat , knob , new , improved , tosser , swearing , arse - Current Score: 82 - Added: 11 months ago
| The graduate with a science degree asks, 'why does it work?' The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'how does it do that?' The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'how much does it cost?' The American graduate with the Arts degree asks, 'do you want fries with that?' | |
Joke by mickle, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged graduate , mcdonalds , fries , arts , degree , mjc - Current Score: 59 - Added: 7 months ago
| What do you say to a chav with a job? "I'll have a Big Mac please" | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Chavs - Tagged job , mcdonalds , chav - Current Score: 40 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| I am not quite sure how the USA expects one black man to run the entire country... ...when six of them can't run a McDonald's for fuck's sake. | |
Joke by JohnnyReno1777, in Celebrity and news events > Barack Obama - Tagged barack obama , racist , nigger , mcdonalds - Current Score: 40 - Added: 2 months ago
| Olympic Gold medallists may receive fame and glory for their sporting endeavours, but only winners at the Special Olympics get taken to McDonald's afterwards as well. | |
Joke by bleary, in Celebrity and news events > Olympics - Tagged spastics , retards , mcdonalds , gold medals - Current Score: 35 - Added: 5 months ago
| A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, "they don't serve beer here, you moron!" The German fellow felt embarrassed. However, he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle. "And what's so funny?" the New Yorker demands. "Oh, nothing really, I just realised how stupid you are. You came here for the food!" | |
Joke by nassi, in Jokes with no home > McDonalds - Tagged mcdonalds , american , german , new york , beer , food - Current Score: 28 - Added: 8 months ago
| If ignorance is bliss, why are McDonald's staff never happy? | |
Joke by grammer_natzee, in Jokes with no home > McDonalds - Tagged mcdonalds , ignorance , bliss , staff - Current Score: 28 - Added: 10 months ago
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