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| Kate and Gerry McCann are to celebrate being cleared with a slap-up meal. If anyone's interested, the twins are upstairs the third door on the left... and the keys are under the plantpot. |    |
Joke by graham, in Celebrity and news events > A Levels - Tagged plantpot , twins , meal , madeleine mccann , maddie , madeleine - Current Score: 159 - Added: 4 months ago
| Noel Edmonds is to start a new programme for BBC in aid of comic relief, it will take place in Africa where the little black fuckers will play meal or no meal | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Celebrity and news events > Noel Edmonds - Tagged blacks , comic relief , meal , noel edmonds - Current Score: 88 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Whilst out with the wife last night having a meal at a local pub I decided to sneak into the kitchen to see how hygienic it was. To my shock, I saw a big black head-chef, and he had his false teeth out and was using them to put the edgings on the pastry for the pies. I said, "you dirty bastard, haven't you got a tool?" He said, "yeah, but I use that for putting the rings in the doughnuts." | |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged pub , meal , black , chef , tool , pie , pastry , doughnut - Current Score: 77 - Added: 1 month ago
| A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a toothpick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp leaves. A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes. There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too." "No, a straw," says the Tramp. The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick. To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already". | |
Joke by funkyfrog, in Illness and mortality > Tramps / homeless - Tagged sick , vomit , tramp , bum , tramps , bums , homeless , puke , hurl , toothpick , straw , meal , food , warm , eat , pub , bar , landlord - Current Score: 40 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| They reckon that two-thirds of all the women in the world would rather have a meal than have sex The other third would rather have a headache and make a fucking meal of it! | |
Joke by frannyboy, in Sex and shit > 69 - Tagged meal , woman , sex , headache - Current Score: 15 - Added: 2 months ago
| These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs. He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?" "Hell no!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!" The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton. A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat." And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush. The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talkin'! It's been months since I had a warm meal!" | |
Joke by funkyfrog, in Illness and mortality > Tramps / homeless - Tagged bum , tramps , sick , tramp , homeless , meal , food , cat , dead , puke , hurl , bile , warm , cold , smelly , rotten , alley - Current Score: 10 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Me and a few friends went out for a meal the other week, we all decided we would try the duck... I always seem to get stuck with the bill. | |
Joke by Dicky McCunt, in Jokes with no home > Duck - Tagged meal , duck , bill - Current Score: 10 - Added: 1 month ago
| This gent went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into the soup. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the food and this was too much for him. "For fuck's sake," said the man, "get your bloody thumb out of my food!" "Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm." "Well, why don't you just shove it up your fucking ass?" the man said angrily. "That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen." | |
Joke by welsh twat, in Jokes with no home > Food - Tagged restaurant , meal , thumb , waitress , doctor - Current Score: 9 - Added: 2 months ago
| I went out for a meal last night and ordered everything in French. I surprised everyone. It was a Chinese Restaurant. | |
Joke by oldskooliain1982, in Jokes with no home > Restaurant - Tagged tommy cooper , meal , french , chinese , food - Current Score: 4 - Added: 8 months ago
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