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| A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal." "No, no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream." |    |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged road , trip , car , penguin , flipper , frozen , mechanic , fish - Current Score: 107 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Jaguar when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his garage. The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the Jaguar. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,"So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and said to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Heart Surgery - Tagged heart , surgery , mechanic , engine - Current Score: 62 - Added: 6 months, 26 days ago
| Blonde takes her broken down car for repair. The mechanic fixes it in two minutes. "Just shit in the air filter" he says. Blonde says "How often do I have to do that?" | |
Joke by Lovelace, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged blonde , dumb , car , shit , crap , mechanic - Current Score: 61 - Added: 11 months ago
| A priest gets a flat tyre fixed. As the car's coming down on the lift, the priest asks the mechanic, "are the wheel nuts tight?" The mechanic says, "tight as a nun's cunt." The priest frowns and says, "you'd better give them another turn then." | |
Joke by welsh twat, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged nun , cunt , priest , tight , mechanic - Current Score: 25 - Added: 3 months ago
| A gynaecologist, tired of his profession and wanting less responsibility, decided a career change was in order. After some serious thought, he decided that being an engine mechanic, something he had once enjoyed prior to college, would be a good choice. However, it had been a long time since he had tinkered with an engine and he knew that in order to compete with the younger workforce, he would have to go to school. He enrolled in a technical institute that specialized in teaching auto mechanics. He aced the course, but the final exam required each student to completely strip and reassemble an engine. It was with some trepidation that he took the test. At completion, he turned the engine over to his instructors for evaluation and awaited his final grade. When they were handed out, he did a double take at the 150% grade he received. Rather confused, he asked his instructors how it was possible to have a grade like this. "It is really quite simple," they said. "We gave you 50% for correctly disassembling the engine, 50% for correctly reassembling it, and an additional 50% for doing it all through the exhaust." | |
Joke by Fishyninja, in Sex and shit > General - Tagged gynecologist , mechanic - Current Score: 19 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| I took my car, which I had only bought a week before, back to the garage. The mechanic said, "what's the problem, mate?" I said, "it's this transvestite engine." The mechanic laughed and said, "you mean transverse engine?" I said, "no, I mean transvestite engine - it keeps slipping into the wrong gear." | |
Joke by justincider, in Sex and shit > Transvestite - Tagged car , mechanic , engine , gear , transverse - Current Score: 19 - Added: 3 months ago
| How do you know when a mechanics just had sex? He's got a clean finger. | |
Joke by karlknight967, in Sex and shit > General - Tagged clean , mechanic , sex - Current Score: 13 - Added: 5 months ago
| How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex? One of his fingers is clean. | |
Joke by Badvirus, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged mechanic , sex , fingers - Current Score: 11 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| I went to my local garage to get my car repaired. The mechanic is as gay as they come, but is a top mechanic. As he was bending over the car, he said to me, "you can place any spanner between my bum cheeks and I'll tell you what size spanner it is. If I get it wrong, I'll repair your car for free." Fair enough, so I picked up a spanner and placed it between his arse cheeks. "That's a 19mm ring spanner," he said. He was right, so I picked up a larger spanner and placed it between his arse cheeks. "That's a 32mm ring spanner." Correct again, so I looked around and found a dirty old spark plug laying on the floor. I said, "okay, smart arse, what's this?" and I shoved it right up his arsehole. He let out a cry and said, "Arrrr, champion!" | |
Joke by issachunt, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged gay , mechanic , spanner , spark plug - Current Score: 7 - Added: 6 months ago
| I took my car to the garage today and asked the mechanic to change the spark plugs. "Are they Champion?" he asked. "No", I replied, "They're fucked". | |
Joke by northerngeorge, in Jokes with no home > Car - Tagged car , mechanic , champion , fucked , garage , dave spikey - Current Score: 0 - Added: 1 week ago
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