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| I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking. When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!" |    |
Joke by Wadey, in Jokes with no home > Medical - Tagged wanking , nurse , medical - Current Score: 948 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A man goes into hospital for an operation and the next day he is in the recovery ward with the doctor. The doctor says; "I have some good news and some bad news about your operation". The man says; "Give me the bad news first". So the doctor tells him; "We had to give you two blood transfusions during your operation, one was black blood and the other was paki blood". "Shit!" Says the man. "What's the good news?" "Your cock is three inches longer and your top of the housing list!" replied the doctor. | |
Joke by CockThrobber, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged black , asian , blacks , pakis , wogs , coons , medical , hospital , anti jehovas witnesses , blood clots , niggers , towel heads - Current Score: 105 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| The American Marine Corps found they had too many officers and senior enlisted men. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. Those applying got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000. The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000. The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sargent Major who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my penis to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two officers had received. But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and instructed the Sargent Major to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of his penis and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?" The old Sargent Major calmly replied, "Vietnam". | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Celebrity and news events > American Marine - Tagged vietnam , america , senior , money , sargent , height , war , men , officer , bonus , medical , marine - Current Score: 82 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| What's the medical term for a female-to-male sex change operation? Strapadictomy | |
Joke by baldlice, in Sex and shit > Dildo - Tagged sex , operation , football , medical - Current Score: 70 - Added: 5 months, 30 days ago
| A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the check-up was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor said, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged doctor , lazy , women , checkup , medical - Current Score: 58 - Added: 3 months, 24 days ago
| I recently went to my new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I asked him, 'Do you Think I'll live to be 80?' He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?' 'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!' Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs? 'I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!' Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, Or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said. He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?' 'No,' I said He looked at me and said,.... 'Then, why do you even give a shit" | |
Joke by johnboy, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged healthy , medical , crap - Current Score: 57 - Added: 9 months ago
| After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there. Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed. "Who are these from ?" she asked the nurse. "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them." "Well," said the nurse, "the first is from the surgeon- the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks." "Ahhh, thats really nice!" said Lucy. "The second is from your husband- he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!" "Brilliant!" said Lucy. "And the third?" "That's from Eric in the burns unit." said the nurse. "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears!" | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Jokes with no home > Medical - Tagged medical , ears , vagina , surgery , wife - Current Score: 45 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Medical research has shown that people who run slow down the ageing process. That explains the large amount of young looking French. | |
Joke by sadgit, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged medical , research , young - Current Score: 24 - Added: 3 months ago
| When I was at school we had a medical with the school nurse. It was the one where you have to "cough please", so you needed a parent present, and my dad came along. As an 11 year old I found it really embarrassing. Especially when dad asked her to stop while he changed the film in the camera. | |
Joke by itchyanus, in Sex and shit > School - Tagged school , nurse , medical , dad - Current Score: 16 - Added: 3 months, 25 days ago
| The Energizer Bunny, known best for 'going and going and going...' passed away last evening. Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the chief medical examiner ruled that the death was caused by acute cardiac arrest, induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, some cunt put the battery in backwards and it kept coming and coming and coming... | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Adverts - Tagged energizer , going , medical , battery , coming - Current Score: 15 - Added: 2 months ago
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