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| In a recent survey into blow jobs and why men liked them so much, 6% liked the feeling, 12% liked the excitement and 82% just liked the fucking silence. |    |
Joke by SuSu, in Sex and shit > Blow Job - Tagged sex , men , blow job , silence - Current Score: 634 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Things You Learn From Watching Porn Women wear high heels to bed. Men are never impotent. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he fucks her. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with spunk. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job. Women always orgasm when men do. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket. All women are noisy fucks. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background. Those tits are real. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt. Men always groan 'OH YEAH' when they cum. If there is two of them they 'high five' each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!) Double penetration makes women smile. Asian men don't exist. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth. There's a plot. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the ass. Nurses suck patients cocks. Men always pull out. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you. Women never have headaches. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to 'suck it' Assholes are clean. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's pants and find a cock there. Men don't have to beg. When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip. Pigtails = handlebars. | |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Pornography - Tagged pornos , men , women , blowjobs , sex , woman - Current Score: 413 - Added: 8 months, 23 days ago
| Why do men have showers instead of baths? Pissing in the bath is disgusting. | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Jokes with no home > Piss - Tagged pissing , men - Current Score: 370 - Added: 5 months, 26 days ago
| If Men Wrote Problem Pages... Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him. A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal. Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is. A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal. Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys. A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal. Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me. A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing - your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it. Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay. A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal. Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one. A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal. | |
Joke by johnboy, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged agony aunt , men , crap , shit - Current Score: 284 - Added: 9 months ago
| At the World Women's Conference, the first speaker from England stood up: "At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The crowd cheered. The second speaker from America stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well." The crowd cheered. The third speaker from Ireland stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye." | |
Joke by Token, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged men , women , husband , wife , domestic abuse - Current Score: 168 - Added: 11 months ago
| Whoever said men can't multi-task? I mean, have you never seen a guy watch porn? | |
Joke by your-mum-69, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged masturbation , porn , one liner , men , wank - Current Score: 164 - Added: 6 months, 25 days ago
| Almost all serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years. | |
Joke by mickle, in Jokes with no home > Serial Killers - Tagged men , women , kill , die - Current Score: 153 - Added: 6 months ago
| The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI. | |
Joke by jmtryan, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged fbi , women , men , internet - Current Score: 142 - Added: 3 months, 22 days ago
| Friendship between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best Friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there. | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged men , women , freindship - Current Score: 137 - Added: 1 year ago
| I went into a shop the other day and bought some of those new super-sensitive condoms. They're brilliant! They hang around after you fuck off and talk to the bird about "relationships"... | |
Joke by Mrwolf, in Sex and shit > Condom - Tagged condom , sensitive , men , women - Current Score: 134 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
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