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| I was thinking, the human brain is such an amazing thing. But then it occurred to me - what's telling me that? Fucking showoff. |    |
Joke by anthony4, in Illness and mortality > brain - Tagged clever , brain , oddball , thinking , arrogance , sickipedia , mental , fucking , showoff - Current Score: 137 - Added: 2 months, 15 days ago
| What's the difference between PMT and BSE? One attacks the cow's brain and sends it fucking mental, and the other is some kind of agricultural problem | |
Joke by chelsea_steve, in Illness and mortality > PMT - Tagged bse , mad cow , period , menstrual , women , mental - Current Score: 118 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A man goes in to a mental hospital and says to the receptionist, "is there anyone in room 30?" The receptionist goes and checks. She comes back and says, "no, sir, there's no one in there." The man replies, "ah, that's good, I must have escaped." | |
Joke by maxmoore, in Illness and mortality > Mental Hospital - Tagged mental , mental hospital , man , escape - Current Score: 101 - Added: 2 months, 9 days ago
| Why is it that when you talk to God, it's called praying, but when God talks to you, it's called schizophrenia? | |
Joke by laba, in Religion and racism > God - Tagged god , prayers , mental , schizophrenia - Current Score: 98 - Added: 6 months, 17 days ago
| My grandad used to get up at 5am every morning and deliver milk to people's doorsteps in a horse drawn cart. He isn't a milkman, he's fucking insane. | |
Joke by albinobob123, in Illness and mortality > Mental - Tagged milkman , insane , horse , grandad , mental , albinobob - Current Score: 75 - Added: 3 months, 29 days ago
| Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.' Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?' | |
Joke by Guest, in Illness and mortality > Mental - Tagged mental , drown , hung - Current Score: 63 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A doctor at the asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!'' And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ''Down nuts!'' And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, ''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, ''Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ''PEANUTS!'' | |
Joke by AS, in Illness and mortality > Mental - Tagged mental , asylum - Current Score: 41 - Added: 2 months, 17 days ago
| There is nothing mad about talking to yourself. I do it a lot- its often the only way I can ensure an intelligent conversation. >>> Note for Americans- "mad" means "insane," not "angry." Oh, fuck, now I'm going to need to explain what "intelligent conversation" means too.... | |
Joke by twayne, in Illness and mortality > Mental - Tagged mental , mad , insane , not angry , blackadder , rowan atkinson - Current Score: 25 - Added: 2 months, 26 days ago
| The Queen walks into a mental hospital. On one ward, our monarch comes across a man reaching up and putting something invisible into a basket. 'What are you doing?' Liz asks. 'I'm taking the stars from the sky!' the crazy git replies. Slightly perplexed, she moves onto the next patient who is reaching into the basket and then reaching up. 'And what are you doing?' she asks. 'I'm putting the stars back in the sky' he replies. Growing tired, she moves onto the next loony who is lying down and making car noises. 'And what the fuck are you doing?' the Queen asks, growing weary. 'Trying to get away from those two nutters!' he says. 'They're fucking mental!' | |
Joke by sexybiatch, in Illness and mortality > Mental Hospital - Tagged queen , mental , crazy , loony , patient - Current Score: 23 - Added: 5 months, 16 days ago
| A bloke is visiting his mother in a mental hospital when in the same room he comes across a guy moving his arms around and making beeping noises. "Excuse me", he asks him. "What on earth are you doing?" "I'm driving my car!, says the guy excitedly. "Beep beep!" "You fucking nutbar, you're not in a car, you're in a mental hospital!" A voice comes from the bed opposite. "Mate, shut the fuck up will you, he's giving me twenty quid a day to wash the cunt." | |
Joke by ghost, in Illness and mortality > Mental Hospital - Tagged car , mental , hospital , bloke , mother , beep , fuck , cunt - Current Score: 22 - Added: 3 months, 8 days ago
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