Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Showing all jokes.
| Three tough looking rats are sitting at a bar drinking. The first rat puts down his beer and turns to the others, saying, "You know how tough I am? Well, you know that rat poison they put down in the kitchen? I eat that stuff for breakfast lunch and dinner!" The second rat looks unimpressed and says, "That's nothing. You know those big fucking rat traps they got all over the place? Well, get this - I jump in and out of them for a bit exercise. That's how tough I am!" The third rat knocks back his whiskey, slams the glass down on the bar and heads for the door. "Where are you going?" asks the first rat. "I'm off home to shag the cat", replies the third rat. |    |
Joke by mamma mia, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged rats , fuck , cats , rat poison , sex , animals , mice - Current Score: 294 - Added: 5 months ago
| After reading that 'smoking caused cancer in laboratory rats and mice', I have decided to leave my cigarettes on a high shelf, where the rats and mice can't get them. | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Smoking - Tagged smoking , rats , mice , cigarettes , shelf - Current Score: 117 - Added: 1 month ago
| 3 mice are sat in a pub, having a few pints and they're discussing which one is the hardest. The first mouse says "I'm the hardest. I go up to mousetraps, rip out the cheese and, as the bar comes down, I benchpress it 30 times and throw it across the floor." The second mouse replies "You nonce! I get the rat poison, crush it into powder and snort it!" The third mouse shrugs his shoulders, downs his pint and walks to the door. "Where you going?" ask the other two. "I'm off home to fuck the cat!" | |
Joke by treefella22, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged mice , cat , fuck - Current Score: 94 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. But how did they get in there? | |
Joke by lee999, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged mice , screw , light bulb , sex , mouse - Current Score: 75 - Added: 6 months ago
| A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.' The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates. About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, 'How are you doing? Are you happy here?' The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!' | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Heaven - Tagged cat , mice , god , heaven - Current Score: 39 - Added: 6 months, 29 days ago
| Why do mice have small balls ? Not that many of them know how to dance ! | |
Joke by dixie normous, in Jokes with no home > mouse - Tagged mice , balls , dance - Current Score: 26 - Added: 7 months ago
| There once was a mouse called Keith Who circumcised boys with his teeth It wasn't for leisure Or sexual pleasure But to get to the cheese underneath | |
Joke by SHATNER, in Illness and mortality > Sick Limerick - Tagged cheese , circumcision , mice , mouse , keith - Current Score: 5 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
Showing all jokes.
Custurd spent 0.01ms doing 9 queries and 0.01s processing. She's 1.41% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel