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| Paddy and Mick are walking home after a night on the piss. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot. Paddy has a brainwave and says to Mick "Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll stay out here and look out for the police". Mick duly breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Paddy is wondering what the hell he's doing. Eventually Paddy sticks his head around the door and sees Mick running from bus to bus and looking very worried. "What the hell are you doing Mick, get a move on!" to which Mick replies "I can't find a number 7 anywhere Paddy" whereupon Paddy, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts "You fucking idiot Mick, steal a number 9 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!". |    |
Joke by mickle, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , mick , bus , piss - Current Score: 87 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Paddy says to Mick, "I hear that girl who played Pussy Galore in the Bond films has split her fanny open!" Mick replies, "Honor Blackman?" Paddy says, "No on a dildo!" | |
Joke by Wadey, in Sex and shit > Dildo - Tagged paddy , mick , honor blackman , dildo - Current Score: 77 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Paddy & Mick go down to the local job centre, but theres a big sign on the door saying 'Interviews for deaf people only'. Never the less they decide to put on an act. Paddy walks into the office, and the interviewer says "shut the door". He does, and the man says to Paddy.."you're not deaf at all. get out". Anyway, Paddy comes out and tells Mick whatever you do don't shut the door. Mick goes into the office, and the interviewer says the same. "shut the door". Mick replies "No, shut it yourself" | |
Joke by a330_captain, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , mick , deafness , job centre - Current Score: 31 - Added: 8 months ago
| Paddy comes home and finds his best mate Mick on top of his wife with his head between her tits. "What the fuck are you doing, Mick?" Paddy asked. "I'm listening to some music," Micks replies. Paddy then tells Mick to let him have a listen. Paddy gets on top of his wife, puts his heads between her tits and says, "I can't hear any music!" Mick says, "Dat's 'cos you're not plugged in!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , mick , wife , tits , music , plug - Current Score: 24 - Added: 2 days ago
| Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing. Paddy replied, "We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder." The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down. She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches. Then, she walked off. Mick said to Paddy, "Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the height and she gives us the length." | |
Joke by mickle, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged blonde , flagpole , measure , mick , paddy - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Mick: Do you have an idol? Paddy: Yes, my dad. I worship the ground he rolls on. Mick: Rolls? Is he in a wheelchair? Paddy: No, he's an alchoholic. | |
Joke by albinobob123, in Illness and mortality > Wheelchair - Tagged paddy , mick , wheelchair , alchoholic - Current Score: 17 - Added: 6 months ago
| One afternoon Paddy and Mick were having a pint at a pub across from a brothel. For the craic, they sat in the front so they could watch the comings and goings across the street. The two lads were shocked when a Presbyterian minister walked into the brothel. "Begod," says Paddy, "that's a shame to see a man of the cloth going bad!" A while later a Jewish rabbi walked into the brothel. "Ah," says Mick, "wouldja lookit that! Tis a shame to see the Jews giving in to temptation as well!" More time passed and a Catholic priest walked into the brothel. Both men sat up in their bar stools with concern. Paddy turned to Mick and says in a whisper - "Didja see that, Mick? One of them girls must be on the deathbed!" | |
Joke by hippo, in Religion and racism > Jamaicans - Tagged paddy , mick , rabbi , priest , catholicism - Current Score: 14 - Added: 4 months ago
| Two Irishman are making letter bombs. Paddy says "Mick do you think I have put enough explosive in this envelope" Mick says " Don't know, open it and see" "But it'll explode" says Paddy "Don't Be Stupid" Mick says "It's not addressed to you!!" | |
Joke by ht, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , paddy , mick , bomb - Current Score: 13 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Paddy & Mick are walking home after a night out and pass the bus garage. "lets steal a bus" said Paddy not wanting to walk and offers to keep watch. 20 minutes later he looks to see Mick flappin "I cannot find a Number 7". "you idiot" said Paddy "Just take a number 9 and we will walk from the roundabout" | |
Joke by ht, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , mick , paddy , bus - Current Score: 13 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| Mick and Paddy used to go down to the local river every Sunday morning, hire a boat and go fishing. One day they were in a particularly good spot and they were reeling in fish after fish. Mick turns to Paddy and says, "this is the perfect spot for fish. Quick, Paddy, put a mark on the side of the boat so we know where to come next week." "Don't be so feckin' stupid, Mick," replies Paddy, "we might not get this boat next time!" | |
Joke by superhorse, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , stupid , paddy , mick , fishing - Current Score: 9 - Added: 10 months ago
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